Journal Entries (Apr-June 2005)

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Thursday, 30th June 2005...

Well it's official...I'm old!!! :(

I can't believe I'm now 30 years old!!  Holy cow I've got one foot in the grave now *wink*

I'm also several kg's up from last weigh-in after my week of birthday celebrations.  That's both good and bad.  The bad is of course that I now have to re-loose all that I have put back on...and fought so hard to loose in the first place.  It also reinforces to me that I have not learnt yet how to enjoy some freedom in moderation without falling into a diet free free-for-all....hehehe.

Which brings me to the good point of the last week.  I've eaten just about every food I've ever craved over the last few months and I now feel I'm able to knuckle down again and head to my next big goal...99.9kg's!!  I've had about every take-away possible and a gazillion of those wickedly delicious Boost chocolate bars...Mmmm! 

The good thing is though that my body did not like the junk and let me know it too. I even did a pregnancy test yesterday after I realised my period was late and I have been nauseous for 3 days.  It was, not surprisingly, negative.  So I can only assume that was my body's way of telling me it did not like the junk fuel I had served it in recent days and it was desperately crying out for some healthy food again.  And coke...Ugh!  Coming from a reformed Coke addict (the cola drink type!)....I realise that I just don't enjoy it anymore.  It's so sweet it made me feel ill and I'm glad to be back to my normal diet coke again now.

So this morning is the first day of the next phase of my challenge.....

THE MISSION TO THE 90'S!!

For now I've got to work hard this week to minimize my gain...and gain I shall.  I've got to get back my no-fail environment at home and get back on the exercise bandwagon after 7 days off.  I'm off now to find a new recipe to try out of my new WW Contented tummies cookbook for tonight's dinner..yummo!

I've had my mini-holiday and what I really want now is to be at the 90's goal for my weeks holiday on Fraser Island on August 13th... a steep call but I've done  it before so I can do it again!!

Watch me go!!

And thanks again for all the birthday wishes I received yesterday....I had a lovely day :)  I was very spoiled with gifts of clothes, plants (lucky bamboo, bonsai and nursery vouchers) and exercise equipment (a big fit ball and some hand weight balls) and much more. 

I still cannot find any photo's of me at my party but last night we went out to a club for my birthday night and I wore the same thing.  I got Simon all set to take a photo for you but the damn camera packed it in!!  D'oh! 

So as soon as I can get it working I need to take new bookmark, charm and body photo's for the pic's page...stay tuned :)  I have updated my virtual model though today but can't really see a difference???  Maybe the real pics will be better when I ever get organised enough :)

Stay tuned...

Cheers P

Tuesday, 28th June 2005...

Well I thought I'd best come on and do an update before I turn into an OLD, OLD woman tomorrow.....hehehe not that I'm worried about turning 30 tomorrow...NOT HALF!! *wink*

Just a quick entry today to say that my party was excellent...I wore the jeans...and at this point I've not found one person with a photo taken of me on the day...D'oh!!  I can't believe I forgot to take one!!

All my family and visitors went home yesterday and I spent the whole day cleaning the house up after them...nothing new after a party huh?

I had a tentative look on the scales this morning and the result is BAD, BAD, BAD!!  But I don't care.  I had a wonderful party weekend....I'm going to have an even better birthday day tomorrow and I'll just get back on track Thursday and worry about the WW scales next week. 

Simon has the day off tomorrow and Caleb is at daycare then having a sleep over at Granny's that night so we are free to celebrate any way we choose.  I had hoped to play golf in the morning but the weather forecast sounds like it will put an end to that idea??  I think we are going to the War of the World's premiere tomorrow night so that should be fun.... otherwise who knows what we'll do?  Keep you posted :)

Please excuse me for not replying individually to each guestbook entry over the last week as I usually would.  The sheer volume of feedback and congratulations and birthday wishes prevented me from replying to all.  But please accept this as my personal thanks...THANK YOU!!! *hugs*

Cheers P

Thursday, 23rd June 2005...

I'm smiling!

I did it with ease!

I lost 1.6kg this week bringing my total lost now to 15.8kg!!!!!

I made my birthday goal...Woo-Fricken-Hoo!!! :)

The meeting itself was a bit of an anti-climax because the weigh lady forgot to tell my leader that I made my 15kg so I wasn't presented with my bookmark at the front of the class...instead I went up and asked her for it at the end :(  Still I have it...I earnt it....and I feel fantabulous!

In the process I also achieved 3 goals this week.  I am now officially past 1/3 of the way to goal...wow!  1/3 feels so much further than 1/4...I'm starting to believe I'll really make this now.

I also achieved my goal of 15kg by my birthday party too of course.

The third goal was achieved Tuesday but I forgot to mention it.  I now own a pair of knee-high zip up leather boots...that zip all the way up!!  Look out fashionista's ...here I come! *wink*

The first of my visitors arrive for the party this morning so I may not get this site updated again until they all leave on Monday.  So bear with me...stick around... and have a drink or three for me...because I'm sure gonna!!!

*beams with joy**

Cheers P

Tuesday, 21st June 2005...

Chugging along.  Working hard for a hopeful loss this week.....although I did hit a definite speed bump on Sunday night when I had Chinese for tea!!!

It was just one serve of Chinese beef and steamed dim-sims....but still??  Need I go in to detail about how disappointed I was in myself for caving??  No.  I think not!

Before I walked into the shop I even sat in my car trying to talk myself out of doing it...but I failed miserably obviously :( None the less it's behind me now and I've been extra vigilant ever since. 

I had a super hard work-out at the gym yesterday....really pushing myself on all the machines.  I finished the day on only 17.5 points and according to my scales this morning I am 104.9kg.  On my scales I need to get to at least 104.2kg (or 104.6 - depending on how accurate the WW scales are this week...one never knows what they will say).  In my own mind I'm working towards 104.0kg so I know I'll be safe.  Only today and tomorrow to go....Eeek!

To try to cheer myself up a bit yesterday I had my monthly measurements done at the gym...and cheer me up it did!  I lost another 8.9cm this month and 1.9kg on their scales.  The totals now read as:

Bust -8cm

Waist - 9cm

Abdomen -15cm

Hips - 12cm

Thighs -5cm

Arms -3.7cm

Body fat -3.4%

Total Cm's lost = 52.7cm

This morning I collected my charm bracelet from the jewelers complete with the new 15kg charm.  Sure hope I earn it tomorrow so I can wear it to my party this weekend?  I'll post a pic of it when I can.  I also have not forgotten my promise for more progress pics after I reach 15kg down.

I am so busy at the moment planning for the weekend and all the guests and family that are staying with us.. (my sisters, their partners and children alone will be both my spare rooms filled to capacity!).  I've got a gazillion appointments and jobs squeezed into the next two days before the first family arrive Thursday .  Now I must go and do all my weekly housework so it's out of the way and I  can relax about that at least :)

I'll let you know how tomorrow goes.  Wish me luck!!  Me thinks I'm going to need it :)

Cheers P

Sunday, 19th June 2005...

Bloody weekends go too fast!

Well in my case, since they are such a danger period, maybe it's probably better they go so fast.  Not really though as I just love having Simon home and spending quality time doing family things :)

This weekend has been another good one for me.  Feeling lots of cravings since Friday's shopping trip disappointment but I used the bitterness as fuel for my willpower.  I know I'll be off track for the better part of a week after next weigh-in so I need to put in the extra effort in now to compensate.  My sisters arrive next Thursday and Friday.....they stay with us until Monday...the party is on Saturday...my actual birthday is on Wednesday...lot's of routine changes and temptation!

Scales said 105.5kg today (that's 0.5kg up from weigh-in!!!!!).  I had a great week last week with no loss...I've followed that up with a great week this week so far but instead the numbers keep going up??  What the...?  Dreaded TOM is due in a week (happy birthday to me huh?) so I guess I'm doing my usual water retention thing??  But not this week!!!  I've run out of time and I simply must loose 0.8kg next Wednesday!!!!!

Finished Friday on points plus 5 bonus points.  Finished yesterday on 25 points so another 2 bonus points used there.  So as it stands I've stuck to all my regular points plus used only 8 of my allowed 12 onus points this week...and still a 0.5kg gain!!  Shit bugger!  *wink*

I know there is nothing for it but to keep on keeping on????  The crap weather today put an end to our golf plans so instead I'm planning a 2.5 - 5km treadmill session this afternoon.  I hope to get in both a 1hr walk and a 30min gym session tomorrow (if the weather allows for the walk with Caleb in his pram?).  Then I've still got Tuesday morning to go to the gym (and Wednesday too if I weigh-in Wednesday night this week - or not if I weigh Tuesday morning) ... all depends on the scales :)

I've been following Jonny's advice over the weekend and trying to be sure I eat every 2-3 hrs so I don't get famished and tempted to eat the first horse I see...so to speak *wink*

Tomorrow I am picking up my charm bracelet from the jewelers complete with my 15kg charm...all ready to wear it when and if I earn it.  Hopefully for my party!  As my birthday falls on a Wednesday night I may not be weighing-in the week after next.  It wouldn't hurt to have some extra time to undo any birthday damage anyway.  Also War of the World's comes out on my birthday (June 29th) and hubby and I are big fans of the original tape series.  We are hoping to have Caleb stay over at Granny's so we can go out for dinner and catch the movie.  Will have to see as the time get's closer.

Anyway enough for now.  Just wanted to let you all know I stayed on course over the weekend and now it's just the downhill run to the scales .... Eeek!!!

Hope everyone had a fabulous weekend!!

Cheers P

Friday, 17th June 2005...

Ho-hum.  Feeling a bit flat today :(

Probably not helped by the unsuccessful shopping trip I just completed looking for party clothes.  When is clothes shopping going to be a fun thing instead of disappointing???

But first let me recap....

I finished Wednesday on 19 points so saved 4 in the kitty.  Finished yesterday on 28 points so used one of my bonus points and all the 4 I had saved on Wednesday.  I did go to the gym yesterday arvo though which was a good thing as it doesn't look like I'll be getting any exercise today.

So currently I have 11 bonus points saved for the weekend.  I left in a mad rush this morning without breakfast so I grabbed a diet redbull (energy drink) on the way to our neighboring city 30 minutes drive away.  After trying on countless tops without success I settled on wearing a top I already have for my party and also shoes I already have...(see shoes in jeans pic).  So that just left the jeans.  With much dread I made the step into the 'real' jeans store....Eeek!

The stick thin assistant was very helpful...almost too much so when she offered to accompany me to the change rooms and told me to give her a yell when I had a pair on and she'd come have a look....Not Bloody Likely!!!  hehehe  I kept changing pairs so fast she couldn't see any and despite trying several styles in size 18 and 20 nothing fitted!!!! :(  Very depressing.

So it looks like I'll stick to the size 18 pair that I got from Target last week and just hope they are fitting a little looser by next Saturday's party.

It took every ounce of willpower not to drown my sorrows in my favourite Chinese take-away that is only available at this town's shopping centre.  I walked to the food court.  I walked past the Chinese..I faltered...I walked around the other food stalls...then I left!  I knew that I was only looking to sooth my emotional pain with food and even though I still had not eaten all day I knew that if I got the Chinese it would only makes my jeans fit even worse next week instead of better.  So I successfully talked myself out of it ...but boy it was close to meltdown!!!

Then I went to Hungry Jack's to get Simon two of his favourite burgers. I considered a low fat chicken baguette for myself but without a points guide I wasn't going to risk a points surprise.  So instead I got a soft serve cone for the drive home to put something in  my hollow stomach.  I wanted onion rings (which is the only Hungary Jacks I usually go for) but again didn't know the points so didn't want to risk it.  Now I thought Macca's cones were 2 pints.  Turns out Macca's cones are 2.5 points and Hungary Jack's cones are 4 points!!!!!  4 Points!!!  Had I have known that I would never have gotten one but too late by the time I got home to my points book.  DAMMIT!!!  Needless to say that made my crappy day even worse :(

On that note I should leave it here today.  I'm not feeling too 'inspirational' at all.  Big picture tells me I'm still on points all week (47 out of 46 so far)...I've exercised and today I resisted a strong urge to blow-out.  But why then do I feel like such a failure??  It's the jeans shopping I think....god damned skinny clothes!!  Ugh! :(

Bummed-out P

Wednesday, 15 June 2005...

Go the Maroons!!!  (Qld to win State of Origin Rugby League tonight!)

Hehehe...like I care about footy anyway :)

The best thing about it is that I get to come on here at night, which I hardly ever do, and have plenty of time for a decent update.  Of course it's not that I actually can't come in here normally....it's just that when my man is home we like to be together :)  Because of the big game though he has a mate over to watch it with him so that frees me up for some solo time without missing anything. 

As with last week... today, being the first of an 8 day WW week due to an early weigh-in, is a high risk day for being classed a 'free day'.  As if there is any such thing huh??  That's what is keeping me on track.  I know that I could start my official WW week tomorrow and still have 7 days to pull off a loss (hopefully big enough to reach my birthday goal next week).  But wouldn't it be easier to have 8 days of great eating and not have to undo a blowout as well???  Considering I had a good week last week and still stayed the same I think another 8 days on top of that on track would almost guarantee I'd loose enough to make the 15kg goal for next Wednesday??

My charm bracelet is in at the Jewelers as we speak having the next 5kg charm added.  I'll be damned if it will have to stay in there rather than on my wrist at my party next weekend!!!

Today has been really low point so far.  We had yummy taco's for tea and I had 4 chicken taco's for only 7.5 points!

• 4 Taco shells (4 pt's)
  

• Lettuce, tomato, cucumber (0 pt's)
  

• Taco sauce (0 pt's)
  

• 2 slices no fat cheese ...1/2 slice per taco (1pt)
  

• 100g taco seasoned chicken mince (2.5 pt's)
  

I packed them full of the free salad and with spicy taco sauce I hardly noticed the usual thick layer of grated cheese and much larger amount of full fat mince per taco that I would normally have had.  And 4 full taco's were very filling and felt like a real treat :)

I followed that up with the most heavenly and huge dessert.  I noticed today that some decent looking strawberries have arrived in the shops at reasonable prices for a change.  So I snapped up a punnet and filled a bowl with them (1 pt).  Then I had one of the new WW mint chocolate ice-cream single serves (2 pt's).  The best part was that I removed the foil lid and microwaved it on high for 30 sec's (1000W).  This made it still cold and hard in the centre but with a super soft outer layer of half melted ice-cream surrounded by a puddle of melted ice-cream.  Mmmm!!  I poured the lot on top of my bowl of strawberry's and it was devine for only 3 points!!!!

Have not done any exercise today.  I've been suffering with sore knees since my first real road jogging session on the weekend.  It was only short bursts but I can't think of any other explanation for the pain?  I'm hoping it may feel better after a day of rest today?

I realised today that I am only 0.2kg away from being 1/3 of the way to goal weight.  I started at 119.2kg - needing to loose 43.2kg to reach goal weight of 76kg.  I now weigh 105.0 kg and have lost 14.2kg.  14.4kg lost is exactly 1/3 of the way to the finish line so I'm going to add it to my goals page now too.

We took Caleb to the Captain Feathersword and Wags the Dog show (Wiggles) today and it was great fun.  Though very short.  Caleb who had been watching them on DVD all week (he get's one DVD, played once, per day......we don't want to raise a couch potato!) and talking of nothing else seemed more interested in climbing the bleachers around a nearby basketball court then watching the show live???  Kids huh?? hehehe :)

In case I don't ever say it...I LOVE being a Mummy!

Cheers P

Tuesday, 14th June 2005...

Shit!

I weighed-in this morning and stayed the same!!!

Shit - Bugger!

Hehehe Oh well I shouldn't complain as it's better than a gain right??  The funny thing is according to my scales right before I left home I was expecting a 400-500g loss.  My scales have always weighed about 400 grams heavier then WW and when I left I was dead on 105kg...go figure??  So unless I inhaled a half a kilo of air on the way there *wink* then I guess their scales have changed slightly.  Still I'm not too worried...it will all balance out in the end. 

It just means that to make my birthday goal I now have to loose 0.8kg next week...*Gulp*.  In the 28 weeks of doing this now I have only managed to loose that much or more on 8 occasions.  Not the best odds I guess but it 'aint gonna stop me having a good crack at it!! :)

Finished yesterday on 23 points and had a lovely family bike ride for 45 minutes.  We rode down to Caleb's favourite park to play on the swings then home again.  To give you some appreciation of the hill we must come up to get home...it took us 15 minutes to ride to the park and 30 minutes to ride home... ALL UPHILL!  My- oh-my were my leg's complaining but it felt great to really work them hard :)

The week that was ended like this:

Points eaten...135.5 out of an allowed 138 (saved 2.5 that were unused)

Bonus points eaten...12 out of an allowed 12

Exercise for the week....2 hrs and 10 min's

• Friday 2.5km treadmill jog (20 min's)
  

• Sunday 35min walk/jog around streets
  

• Monday 45min bike ride
  

• Tuesday 30min gym session
  

My exercise has slipped a little in duration lately but on the other hand I am getting more variety to my workouts?

I think to ensure I make my goal next week I'd best amp up the exercise again this week.  Stay carefully on points and drink lot's of water.  I've simply GOT TO make this goal!!  My leader comes back next week and I told her I'd have my 15kg then too so I don't want to let everyone down...most importantly myself!

8 days left to make my birthday goal....I can do this!!

Let the countdown begin...

Cheers P

Monday, 13th June 2005...

Yey for public holidays :)  Simon is enjoying a well deserved sleep in this morning and when he wakes I hope he'll be up for a big family bike ride.  It's about time I tackled that giant hill on the way back from the beach again that I haven't ridden up for months now..Ugh!  Seriously though what a fun, inexpensive and healthy way to spend the day as a family...riding along the Esplanade and stopping at parks along the way for Caleb to play on the swings :)  It's only the ride back home up the big hill that I dread but I'll worry about that when the time comes.

My night at the movies went well.  I stuck to my diet coke, lollipops and Twisties low fat popcorn.  Much less guilt and much cheaper too!  I think it was a real personal achievement for me to go to the cinema and not 'treat' myself fatty food just because the night out itself was a 'treat'??.  Normally that would be the perfect rationalization for a blowout.

I finished yesterday on 18.5 points which was a great low point day for me. 

Yesterday afternoon I was in a crap mood so instead of taking it out on Simon I took off for an impromptu walk.  Without the pram I could really put a lot of effort in and....*shock-horror*....I jogged in public!!

It's only the second time I've ever done that and it was, by far, better than my first attempt a few months back.  I was out for 35 minutes all up and only jogged maybe four or five 100 - 200m stretches but I felt I'd made a start on a long held ambition  :)  I've also learnt that jogging in the real world is not the same as jogging on the treadmill.  Muscles hurt afterwards that wouldn't normally hurt after 20 minutes straight treadmill jogging.  Still it was enough to give me a taste of something I want more of.  Oh how I'd love to call myself a jogger!!!

Not sure yet if I'll weigh in Tuesday morning or Wednesday night this week yet or not??  The scales are for some reason not going my way yet this week and in fact seem to be about 0.5kg up but as we know a lot can  change in one or two days.  I'm just going to keep at it and go to whichever meeting suits me best on the day.  I refuse to starve for results or exercise to exhaustion.  This is a long term journey and in the end the numbers will move.  Right??

*wink*

Cheers P

Saturday, 11th June 2005...

The food God's conspired against me last night...or maybe it was just my willpower.  I ended up on points + used 11 out of my 12 bonus points (!!!) so I guess it could have been much worse.

I had a yummy spag-bog on cooking for tea then I was out the front talking to visitors without realising I'd left it on high.  When I came back inside I'd almost burnt the ass out of my saucepan and needless to say the meat sauce was ruined.  So takeaway it was...Doh!

I made a good choice with subway but it used many more points then I'd planned for the spaghetti so I started the night much shorter than planned.

After that I resisted any alcohol and stuck to diet coke all night.  But then I had a garlic bread stick with the boys while and while they ate copious meat pies I had a WW frozen dinner... which although not a great late night snack, was the lesser of many evils!  Then while they continued to gorge *wink* I had a WW choc ice-cream but I had Ice-Magic on it and made the fatal flaw of not checking it's points first.  So instead of my ice-cream costing me 1.5 points it cost me 6.5 points!!!  Shit!!

When I added it up this morning I found I'd had 34 points for the whole day...holy crap!!  Still I think I made OK choices and it was still within my allowable points so I shouldn't beat myself up over it.

Got back from swimming lessons this morning and made some baked beans on toast for sustainable energy.  On the way to swimming I got a sugar free energy drink for an extra boost too.  We are having a beef and red wine casserole for tea with free vege's so that should help keep my points down.  I'll have my usual WW frozen meal for lunch too which will also help.  The reason I have to be so tight today is because we are going to the movies tonight to see Mr & Mrs Smith.  Evil cinema popcorn and choc-tops beware!  So this is my plan of attack...

The ever-lovely Marion was just telling me how delish the new Twisties popcorn is for 2.5 points so I'm going to sneak in a packet in my handbag *Shhh!*  Then I'll take a few chuppa-chups and buy a giant diet coke...that should get me through pretty unscathed I'm hoping.  I'll still get to snack with everyone else but my snacks will be counted and low points...Yey!!

Made the fatal mistake of trying on my new jeans again last night to show Simon after I'd eaten subway...not recommended!!  They were so tight that I wondered if I would even be able to wear them for the party.  I'm sure it was just because I was so full that they were uncomfortable but now I'm worried!  They are my party goal so I have to be really vigilant to keep on track so they fit well by the party...Eeek!

And as promised I took a  photo in them to show you..not too bad I hope :) See pic's page.

Cheers P

Friday, 10th June 2005...

Zippety-do-da....Zippety-A....My oh my what a wonderful day!!

I got my jeans!!!!!!!!  Hoorah :)

As I may have mentioned the jeans shop is shut for renovation until next week but while I was in Target today I just couldn't resist trying on some of their jeans.  I checked out the various styles and settled on a pair of faded straight leg jeans in size 18.  They looked teeny and I was sure they wouldn't fit....but they did!!!!

**Does happy jig in front of computer**

They look wicked but are still a little tight up top...you know the dreaded fat roll-over look...not a good one!  Still I always wear long tops and I want them to fit me for a while as I slim so I got them anyway :)  I also picked up my second size 18 denim mini skirt as it fitted perfectly and I love my first one to bits.  This one is a little shorter then the last (Eeek) but not obscenely so *wink*

I know I had wanted to get my jeans from a 'real jeans store' but these were only $29 and here's hoping they will be too big soon anyway so I'll save the 'real' jeans shop jeans for size 16 I think??

Now I just need to find just the right top and necklace and I'm good to go for my party!!!   Helena thought I was dressing down a bit in jeans but as it's just a backyard bash I don't want to go over the top.  My fave strappy heals and a nice necklace from Kliens should dress up the jeans a bit.

When Simon get's home I'll have him take a pic of me in my jeans and I'll post it on here later tonight when I have more time.

Have been to the dentist today for a teeth clean (5 minutes and $95 thanks very much!) so still have heaps to do before it's time to collect the munchkin from day-care.  I have promised him Mummy and Daddy will dance with him to the Wiggles when he gets home so that's some activity for me I guess.

Finished yesterday on 23 points exactly again...just can't get enough chocolate lately which is not like me so I've tended to use up my points each night on milky ways and Lindt balls...hehehe.  Tonight I have WW ice-cream ready so I can avoid the usual Friday night junk food temptations.  I know I'm terrible on the weekends but I am so close to my 15kg goal now that I am more hungry for that then any food I can think of.  Finger's crossed I have another good weekend.  We are also planning to take Caleb roller-skating and to Maze Mania again this weekend so that's more activity too.  Daddy's going golfing at some stage so when he does I think Caleb and I will go for a walk or bike ride too.  Bonus points Cha-Ching!!! *wink*

I got on the treadmill this morning but didn't do the 5km challenge.  It's just so hard that I want to avoid it so I did 2.5km instead.  I ran non-stop the whole time, averaging 8km/hr most of the time and by the  end I was sweating like a pig.  Still I finished it in 20 minutes and 17 seconds so feel pretty good about that.  I still can't believe I can even jog 20 minutes non-stop...shows what regular exercise can do for ones fitness huh??  I must email Angel and let her know my change of plans re the 5km challenge she is running.

As for the 10kg in 18weeks challenge I am part of...it's week three and I've lost

1.7 kg ... I need to have lost 1.6kg by now to be on track so I'm a little ahead...Weeee!

Anyway I am going to go and take advantage of my empty house now and read a mag in bed....lush!  Will be updating again later tonight I think with jeans photo's etc.  Hope everyone has a lovely long weekend planned :)

Cheers P

Thursday, 9th June 2005...

Judging by the sheer volume of feedback I received I now know I am not the only one who has been affected by  the narrow minded thinking of stores such as Just Jeans!....hehehe

The good news is that now I don't care!  A message from Jen (and others after her) tipped me off to the fact that Jeans West sell larger sizes so I checked out their website and blow me down...my nearest store is only 25 minutes drive away...Yey!!  When I rang they told me they were closed for a renovation this week but would open again next week and the lady assured me that all Jeans West stores do in fact stock up to size 20!!!!   Three cheers for Jeans West...Big Boo for Just Jeans!!..pass it on :)

After this I'm going to check out the styles they stock on their website and decide what I like best.  I am also going to get a new top for the party too...of course.  I'll probably go for a drive there next Friday while Caleb is in daycare so I can take my time trying on as many as I like until I find the perfect pair :)  I'm so excited again about it now!

A last minute chocolate fix last night saw me finish the day on 23 points yesterday...my allowed total.  I'm going great today so far and we are having a BBQ for tea so should do fine.  I've had a WW frozen chicken hot-pot for lunch the last two days...and I know I said it before but MAN ALIVE they taste GOOD!!!

I'm psyching myself up for another 5km time trial this afternoon.  I am thinking that after this one I may monitor it on a smaller distance as I find I do 5km less often because I know how bloody hard it is and how much time is involved.  I think if I did say 3km for a while I'd avoid doing it less and get fitter quicker...if that makes any sense at all??

For those of you who are asking...I will be adding new progress pics when I reach my 15kg mark...hopefully next week or the week after.  I did have some to load last week but the memory card in my digital camera decided to die when we were at the show and I lost those photo's as well as many other show photo's....:(  Modern technology huh? 

I took Caleb to Maze Mania for the morning today and we had so much fun!  Before he arrived I never went anywhere alone...ever if I could help it!  And I know overweight friends who still won't take their kids to the park or something alone.  That's so sad for the kids..and exactly why I am loosing this weight.  I refuse to let Caleb miss out on anything due to my own lack of confidence.  Today I climbed all over the maze with him...ran up ramps...slid down tunnels and slippery-dips with him and threw ourselves around the jumping castle and ball-pit.  To hell with what anyone thought :)  They have also introduced some kids music and flashing lights etc so we got out and had a boogie to the music.  Now I have never ..and still would never dance at a club or something (except very drunk and or amongst strangers or hidden by friends) but with just Caleb I didn't care that we were the only ones when he grabbed my hand and said "mummy dance peese??". It was active, good exercise and most importantly lot's of fun!!! :)

Hope everyone else is having a fun Thursday!!

Cheers P

Wednesday, 8th June 2005...

Had a great personal triumph today.  It's something I've succumbed to before.  The 8 day week self sabotage theory......"Well since I weighed in a day early my normal week doesn't start until Thursday morning so I'll just have a free

(-for-all *wink*) day and start in the morning".....sound familiar :)

But this time I refused to do it to myself.  I knew I would just feel horrible afterward and wish I hadn't done it.  I know how hard I worked last week and I don't want to undo it all now for the sake of some high fat or high sugar fueled short lived high???

At this point in time I am sitting on 19.5 points.  Have not done any exercise today.  Had toyed with the idea of riding to our playgroup today .....but the weather won out...very wet!

Had a real crap realisation yesterday. You know my goal of buying a pair of real jeans for my birthday party...not going to happen.  Seems Just Jeans (the only jeans store in town) only sell up to size 16.  Size 16!!!!  Ugh! How sizest of them....hehehe

Seriously though....at size 20 or above I never dreamed I'd find jeans in that store for me.  Come size 18 and I thought....you know what, this dream just may be attainable to me now.  After all isn't the Australian average women size 12-14???  Someone should tell Just Jeans to think outside the square.  I mean doesn't anyone realise that if they just catered to bigger sizes that would have a 300% customer base increase and the edge in the market??  Noooo!  I think they just don't think their jeans look nice enough to promote on big fat asses like ours! *wink*

It's a conspiracy theory I tell you!!!

So the sad part was to realise I am still unacceptable to society at this size and any fool hardy hopes for birthday jeans are dashed. 

And I do know I can buy jeans from Target etc (and no doubt will now have to) but it's not the same.  I wanted the "real" jeans...ho-hum.

Cheers P

Tuesday 7th June 2005...

Weighing-in early this week made it a 5 day week....but it seems I can achieve great things in 5 days when I put my mind to it :)

Was most pleased with my weigh-in results today...105.0 kg - giving me a loss of 1.3kg this week and 14.2kg all up!  That means I am only 0.8kg away from my birthday goal of loosing 15kg in total...and I still have two more weeks to make that so I hope that I can do it...it's so close now I can smell it!

I also noticed on my little ticker above that my weight left to loose is now in the 20's!!  Big difference to having to loose over 40kg at the start huh?

The week that was:

115/115 points eaten

7.5/12 bonus points used

Exercise 4/6 days:

Thursday - none

Friday - 5km treadmill jog (42min 31 sec's)

Saturday - none

Sunday - 30min bike ride

Monday - Gym 30min's

Tuesday - Gym 30min's

Now that it is getting closer I am really beginning to anticipate how bloody awesome it will feel to hit the 90's....it will be goodbye 100+kg FOREVER!

I'm going to go and try to update my graph now.  I'm not sure if I have to recreate it all over again to add in the latest results or not so will have to play around with it a bit.  Will update the Stats page again with the newest graph once I get it sorted..

Hope everyone is having a fabulous Tuesday...especially the birthday girl Angel :)

Cheers P

Monday 6th June 2005...

Not really much to say for today.

Finished yesterday on 22.5 points so I've now only used 7.5/12 of my bonus points and otherwise have stuck to my regular points.

Still feeling pretty chuffed about my weekend....Having a good one really makes you wonder why you don't just do that every week and reach goals that much faster??  Mmmm self-sabotage is a funny thing huh??

We went for a lovely 30min family bike ride yesterday afternoon while our roast lamb tea was cooking. It was so nice it hardly felt like exercise.  We rode around a new estate nearby and checked out idea's for our garden's and critiqued everyone's houses and colour choices etc...as you do *wink*

Today we went to the hospital to visit the new baby brother of Caleb's best friend Jordyn...golly you forget so quick how small they start out!

I'm going to the gym this afternoon and I hope to fit in one more gym visit before weigh-in tomorrow morning if time permits ??  I am still hanging to weigh-in to see how good I've done...sure beats dreading it like usual :)

Last night I had the most delish dessert for only 4 points.  We cooked a WW caramel sauce pudding (2 pt's per serve) and served it with a little tub of the new WW choc-mint ice-cream (2 pt's)....Mmmm!!!  I'm not usually one for mint but this ice-cream is TO DIE FOR!  The chocolate tastes so decadent it's hard to believe it's really diet!  I think tonight we'll try a chocolate sauce pudding with plain chocolate (WW) ice-cream.  Mmmm I'm starting to drool already!

Cheers P

Sunday 5th June 2005...

Has the weekend just passed???  Surely not!

It couldn't possibly be Sunday because according to my tracker I am still on track....and that never happens over the weekend...at least not for bloody ages *wink*

But on track I am and I'm stoked about it too.  I am still in the 105's this morning and thrilled with my control this weekend :)  I finished Friday after using the 3 banked from Thursday plus two bonus points.  Then yesterday I used another 6 bonus points (from exercise...we are allowed to use up to 12 each week) and that still leaves another 4 bonus points up my sleeve for the rest of the week!

Yey!  It's feel so good to feel good about my progress and look forward to weigh-in with excitement instead of dread.  I'm weighing Tuesday morning this week so only two more days to go....Bring it on!

I had a day off exercise yesterday to recover from my 5km jog on Friday.  This afternoon we hope to go for a family bike ride if the weather looks a little nicer after Caleb wakes from his afternoon nap....will just have to play it by ear.

I'm so excited to see how close I can get to my 15kg goal this week that I just wish it was weigh-in day already :)

I hope everyone else has had a great weekend too.  Looking forward to BB eviction tonight...hope Dean goes.

Cheers P

Friday, 3rd June 2005...

F-F-Friday and I'm feeling F.I.N.E fine :)  (Hmm another Aerosmith Song....notice a pattern here??)  Of course in their song it stands for f*cked up, insecure, neurotic and emotional....but today I don't feel any of those :)

I just finished my 2nd 5km time trial jog and I feel BLOODY FANTASTIC!  As you may recall I am part of Angel's 5km challenge to get the best personal time for a 5km treadmill jog.  My first jog on Tuesday was 48min 17 sec.  Today I finished on 42min 31 sec....that's an improvement of 5 minutes 46 seconds!!!!!!!  WOW-EE I sure am stoked with that.  To make that time I had to run at 8km/hr for most of that time with only a few short 6km/hr brisk walks to get my breath back at times.  8km/hr may not sound fast but if you are in any doubt just jump on a treadmill and try to maintain that for 40+min's...you'll see just how hard it is. 

Only a few short months ago I couldn't jog 3 minutes straight...to think how far I've come makes me want more!!  I've always thought of jogging as something only the very fit do.  To think that I have jogged 10km this week just blows my mind.  I'm so glad Angel started the challenge because without her I'd still be doing my 30min treadmill jaunts with no idea of how much, if at all, I was improving...so THANKS Angel :)

I had a fantastic day yesterday....finished on 20 points so that's 3 in the bank for this weekend.  I took a well earned day off exercise and for a change drank plenty of water.  It felt great to feel back in control and on my way to my birthday goals. 

I have decided to purchase a new pair of jeans for my party on the 25th of this month.  The last time I bought jeans from a regular jeans speciality store was my 18th birthday in 1993.  Last year I was wearing size 20-22 generic brand jeans (they should really just call them denim slacks.....you know the one's I'm talking about right??).  Anyway this time I am hoping to get a trendy pair in size 18 bootleg style.  I'm putting off even going into my local JustJeans as I'm not even sure they sell to that size.  I've only ever walked into the store once to buy jeans for Simon...it's always sold clothes out of my reach...but not for long!  I'm trying to hold off until just before so I can be the smallest I can get before trying them on...but I'm really getting excited about it now :)  In fact clothes in general excite me now and I'm becoming a total shop-a-holic.  Just look out for when I can fit a 16 and shop in 80% more stores in my town...hehehe *wink*

I just tried a new WW frozen meal for lunch...it was the chicken hot-pot and SO delicious!!!  I always have the chicken chow mien or Italian lasagne but this was soo good I know I'll be having it more often.  It's a creamy chicken and vege casserole type mix with creamy mashed potato on top...Mmmm  Only 4.5 points and so more-ish.  I had mine with a multi-grain roll and it was very satisfying.  I'm also trying a new afternoon tea today.  A 97% fat free Ski double up with mixed berry crunch...you know the type were you add your berries and muesli mix to the yoghurt then enjoy.  It's a bit steep at 3.5 points but I bet it will be devine :)

I hopped on the scales this morning and was thrilled to see I was in the 105's.  Just hope I'll still be there come Wednesday??  Slipped on my size 18 denim miniskirt with ease and a bright new pink top I bought this week (see I told you I shop).  I wear way too much black clothing so I'm making a conscious effort to break out of the norm and try some brighter colours...this pink is v.bright but makes me feel fresh and alive...instead of hiding and grubby :)

Yesterday we finally picked up our family portraits so check out the photo's page for a peek at our little family :)  Gee my boy's are gorgeous...but then I'm a little biased *wink*

I've also finally managed to create a graph of my weight loss thanks to lot's and lot's of help from the lovely Emily (Thanks again...my saviour).  You can check that out on my stats page.

Well...enough for now...must go an load these pics and prepare for the usual BBQ I'm hosting tonight for friends and family.  DETERMINED to stay on track this weekend.  Have a great one everyone!!!

Cheers P

Thursday, 2nd June 2005...

Well....I faced the music and it wasn't half as bad as I'd feared.  A gain of 0.1kg - could have been much worse :)

Last week's exercise tally finished as this:

Thursday - 90 min's house cleaning

Friday - 2 hours walking (at show....4hrs in total but I had stops etc)

Saturday - none

Sunday - 2 hours golf + 30 min beach stroll

Monday - 30min gym workout

Tuesday - 5km jog/walk on treadmill in 48 minutes 17 seconds

Wednesday - 30min's gym

Total: 7hr 44min's

Month of May Total: 17 hours 38 minutes ....21/31 days!!

Pretty impressive total yet not so impressive on the scales...and I know why too!  My eating is letting me down big time and this week is the week to turn that around!

I now have only 3 weigh-ins before my birthday party and 4 before my actual birthday.  I WILL reach my 15kg lost by then.  So that's 2.1kg to loose in 3 weeks...if I was half as diligent with my eating as I was with my exercise I could almost do that in one week I reckon.  Still I think 3 weeks is realistic so I'm going to give this week my all.  Of course I know I say that every week but I hope this week to DO IT and not just SAY IT! :)

Yesterday I barely ate all day (only 4pt's by weigh-in time)...then as usual had the take-away pig out afterward.  I had a serve of Chinese crispy beef....about 2/3 of a packet of Home Brand Chicken Sticks (v.salty chips) and a Boost chocolate bar.  All washed down with lot's of real coke on top of course.  Is it any wonder that I was up and down to the toilet with horrific stomach cramps this morning at 6am...Ugh!  It got me thinking just what I was doing to my body and how it obviously does not like it!!

That's when something seemed to click.  Exercise has always been my failed challenge but now that I have that licked I've let the food slip.  So this morning I began as I mean to go on.  I had a piece of wholemeal toast (no butter) with a small tin of WW baked beans for breaky and a big glass of water.  Today (and every day this week) I will do the meal/snack/meal/snack/meal/snack routine and make them healthy choices.  I will keep up my exercise and I will TRACK religiously :)

This morning I won some tickets to an early premiere of Mr & Mrs Smith at the cinema next Wednesday night so I'll have to go to the Tuesday morning weigh-in next week.  That makes it a short week but one that I am determined to end with confidence instead of last minute panic.

Watch me go!!!

Cheers P

Wednesday, 1st June 2005...

Pinch and a punch for the first day of the month! :)

I didn't do my 30min jog/walk interval training on the treadmill as planned yesterday.  I did something much better.  I was inspired by the lovely Angel to join her 5km challenge.  It means doing 5km on the treadmill in the fastest time that I can then working to improve on my time.  I was dithering around reading journals and procrastinating about getting on the treadmill as I just didn't feel like it.  But after reading an inspiring entry from Angel I was pumped up and ready to give her challenge a try.  I don't know why I hadn't thought to do something like that earlier instead of just doing 30min stints on it...this way I can monitor my fitness levels as they improve. :)

It worked really well to get me moving fast too because after 2km I was stuffed and wanting to give up.  But I was determined to finish it just so I could email Angel with my time...and I wanted to try to beat her first time of 48min's and 32 seconds....and I did it!  Just....I finished on 48min's and 17 sec's and that was by going hard out at 7-8km/hr for the last kilometer.  It was by far the hardest I've ever worked on the treadmill and now I look forward to doing it again and beating my time.  Angel dropped 4 minutes on her second go so look out girl...I'm gonna catch you *wink*  hehehe

Really though this is what the journal community is all about.  Getting tips off others and being inspired to try things they are doing.  The gorgeous "Little Miss Sexy' has also joined the challenge now so we are off an running...err excuse the pun *blush*  From memory Miss Sexy did not want her journal site published so I won't provide the link to her site just yet unless she tells me otherwise.

Of course I am also taking part in the 10kg challenge in 18 weeks as set up by Katie and Karen....together they will really help to motivate me :)

Overall I finished the day on 20 points yesterday (not counting bonus pt's earnt), so it was a good day.  Today is of course weigh-in day and I don't know what to expect.  Last week I was sure I'd gain but ended up loosing 0.5kg.  This week I'm also sure I'll gain so who know's???  Will just have to wait and see.

I'm not staying for the meeting tonight as it will interrupt a BB special on tele when the new housemates are introduced to the house...Woo-Hoo (gotta get my priorities right after all *wink*). But I still need to go and weigh.  And to be honest I am looking forward to putting this week behind me and getting on with the job of having a decent week next week for a change and take a chunk off that 2kg goal for my birthday at the end of this month.

In any case will update tomorrow with the results.

Cheers P

Tuesday, 31st May 2005...

Only a day to go now and I'm still looking at a substantial gain tomorrow night at weigh-in...Doh!!!

Still all I can do now is keep eating and exercising well and know that what ever I gain this week I'll just have to loose next week and staying on track until then is the only way to achieve that.

Despite feeling like anything but that, I went to the gym yesterday and did a good 30min workout.  I'm still feeling crampy today but I'm going to hit the  treadmill soon while I watch Dr Phil.  I've sort of avoided the treadmill since we made the decision not to buy one as planned.  I found out the other day though that I still have 4 weeks rental left on this one so I figure I may as well make the most of it while I can.

I'm planning on doing a 30min jog/walk interval cycle on it today so that should put me through my paces :)

I'm eating very lean today and trying to make some low carb choices to help the scales move down before tomorrow and get lot's of exercisd in...anything to mimimse that gain *wink*

Fingers crossed :)

Cheers P

Monday, 30th May 2005...

Well my dinner out was an absolute disaster...on a diet front anyway.  We had the most lovely evening and dined on the most delicious of dishes...had a few vodka and orange juices too.    Spent the afternoon visiting a few different pubs (just the two of us)...then onto a restaurant for dinner...then to a friends house for a few more drinks then home to a movie in bed.  It was heaven. 

Then we had our first solid nights sleep in weeks then got up early and went to play that game of golf.  Walked briskly for the whole 2hrs as I was anxious to go and collect the boy from Granny's.  I'm a hopeless golfer and scored 71 on 9 holes but I had a ball and it was such a good workout!  Will definately be playing more in future.

Yesterday afternoon we also went for a beach stroll as a family for about an hour but it was hardly enough to work up any bonus points :)

So today the scales are up....of course :)

But I'm not stressing over it all.  I know where I went wrong...I've done heaps of exercise and I'll just see what the scales bring on Wednesday. 

TTOM finally arrived yesterday so that may help drop the numbers a bit over the next day or so too.  I have some wicked cramps today so no exercise so far but I'm hoping to feel well enough for it this afternoon.  Either a 1hr walk or a gym visit I'm hoping.  

I have my birthday goal in sight...2kg in 4 weeks...defiantly do-able!!

I have also joined Karen and Katie's 18 week - 10kg challenge (see challenge page here).

Hope everyone is having a great Monday.

Cheers P

Saturday, 28th May 2005...

Crikey!!  Didn't realise it had been so long since I had updated...Oops!

Things have been going along ok.  Haven't been tracking since last entry (I know...very very bad girl).  Despite that though I think I have been doing not too bad.  I've had lot's of exercise which is bound to help counteract any extra indulgences I may have had. 

Thursday when Caleb was in day-care I had a mega spring clean and worked flat out for 90 min's around the house getting it nice and clean so I wouldn't have to worry about house work this weekend.

Yesterday we took Caleb to the local show (you know the traveling carnivals that come each year).  It was the highlight of my year growing up and I never missed one until I left home and moved away.  Last year he mostly just looked in awe at all the people and the big rides zooming around but this year he had a blast!  He went on merry-go-rounds and the Ferris Wheel with Mummy and Aunt Alicia.  He had a miniature pony ride, jumping castle fun, visited the baby animal petting zoo, did lot's of walking and much much more.  Mummy got 4-5 hours of walking in too which is bound to help things along.  The only show treat I had was a waffle with cream filling (which my mom and I used to get every year as a bit of a tradition)     I told Mum this one was for her when I had my first bite this year.  I had a dagwood dog and a can of coke for lunch  but otherwise nothing so I don't feel too bad.  A small treat without going crazy :)

Poor Caleb has been sick with the flu this week and we have been getting up to him 10-12 times a night so are all very very tired.  Granny has kindly offered to take him tonight though so we have are looking forward to a solid nights sleep tonight and even a sleep-in tomorrow...wow what a luxury!!

We will probably go out for dinner and some drinks tonight or visit friends...not quite sure yet but if I do drink it will only be a few vodka and diet cokes so not too much damage. 

Before then though Simon and I are going out to play 9 holes of golf this arvo while we are Caleb free.  I've only played about 3 games in my whole life so I do more walking after the ball then anything :)  Still I should clock up another 2-3 hrs of walking so that will help my progress this week too.

At present the scales are sitting about 1kg up since weigh-in AGAIN (Ugh!) and period still has not arrived (!!)  Went to Dr for some antibiotics on Thursday for a UTI and she had to do a pregnancy test before she prescribed anything but it was negative (not surprisingly) so I'll just have to keep waiting :)

My days are all messed up with yesterday being show day holiday so it feels like Sunday today.  I love long weekends!!  Hope everyone  is enjoying their own weekend.

I'm off to read some journals now

Cheers P

Wednesday, 25th May 2005...

Well slap me with a cold fish and call me flipper!!

I lost!!  I bloody lost...*WoW*

Lost 0.5 kg so now sitting back on 106.2kg (total of 13.0kg lost).

Totally did NOT expect that :)

Weekly exercise totals went like this:

Wednesday - 30 min's walk

Thursday - 20 min's walk

Friday - 45 min's aqua-aerobics

Saturday - none

Sunday - none

Monday - 60 min's brisk walking + 30min gym workout

Tuesday - 30 min's gym.

Today - 30min's gym

Total: 4hr 08mins

(Remembering that by weighing-in a day early last week made it a 6 day week and this one an 8 day week)

Feeling better and I'm sure I'm due a good loss this coming week.  As it stands I have 4 weeks to loose 2kg to make my 15kg lost goal before my 30th birthday party (4 days before my actual birthday).

I can do that!  Just you wait and see!!

Cheers P

Tuesday, 24th May 2005...

Living on the edge.

Not only a classic Aerosmith song but also a motto for my life today.  I feel like, at any given time, I am only minutes away from a blowout today??  I have vivid images and smells of chicken and  chips, chocolate, coke and any other naughty food you can think of dancing in my head and beckoning me to succumb...Aargh!  I'm really working to resist it though.

TOM still hasn't arrived yet, despite being due last week (and no I don't think I am pregnant before anyone asks).  I guess that would explain the chocolate cravings?

I think also I am feeling pretty crap lately about my progress and maybe this is just 'evil me' trying to get 'good me' to pack it all in and go back to before.  But I never want to go back to before - the land of self hatred, lack of control and public humiliation!  That is no life for me!!

The alternative?? Autopilot.  I'm just eating well doing the whole meal, snack, meal routine...exercising and hoping for miracle reserves of willpower and determination to miraculously be bestowed over me...or as AJ would say - 'Fake it till you make it'!

Today is Caleb's daycare day so I was able to get to the gym first thing this morning and I worked really hard today...ever mindful of tomorrow nights weigh-in looming ahead of me.  In fact yesterday I did my 1hr walk AND a 30 minute gym workout so it was quite a day.  The scales said 107.6kg this morning so I'm still anticipating a 1kg gain tomorrow night.

Every time I think about it the little voice in my head screams at me not to go.  But when I look back over the past month I can see that was when my downfall began.  First I missed a week....then I used a no weigh-pass the next week...then I gained the third week and look likely to gain this fourth week also.  The thing about a gain is I hate having to say it on here.  I hate having family and friends ask me my total lost and having to tell them a number smaller then the last time they asked.  I think that they think that 'as usual' I am slipping back to old habits and all that I've lost will soon be back and then some.  See that's my problem..I think too much :)  I need to just get on with the task at hand, focus on the long term goals and forget what everyone else thinks...confident in the knowledge that sooner or later I'll show them just how wrong they are.  But golly sooner would be nicer than later *wink*

In an effort to cheer myself up I had my measurements done at the gym this morning.  I had a different lady do it again this time so who knows about it's accuracy but I guess that all balances out in the end.  In any case I lost another 4cm and 0.2% body fat bringing my totals to:

Bust -6cm

Waist - 5cm

Abdomen -13.5cm

Hips - 12cm

Thighs -9cm

Arms -7cm

Body fat -3.3%

Total Cm's lost = 52.5cm

My Dad phoned me before and asked me to meet him at the pub for a quick drink and chat while he was having lunch there.  With visions of naughty food dancing before my eyes I went straight to the bar when I arrived and ordered a diet coke and ice to sip and fiddle with.  When his bowl of hot chips arrived on the table in front of me I fibbed and said I'd had lunch and was just too full to try even one of his chips...Phew crisis averted!!

Then to play a bit of a mind trick on myself I decided to have Subway for lunch...a take-away treat but one that's fits into program so well.  I always get the foot long but today I got my first ever 6 inch (usual chicken teriyaki so only 5.5pt's).  I've just had it now with a cold diet coke and I'll follow it up with some fruit and yoghurt soon.  This morning I put a delish beef and vege casserole in my trusty crockpot and it's aroma fills my senses now as I type.  I used diced lean beef, tomato soup, beef stock, some sauces for flavour and then every vege I could find...in the end settling for potato, onion, carrot, broccoli, cauliflower, beans and mushrooms ...Yummy!  My serve will only be about 4 points plus 2 more for some fresh baked dinner rolls - no butter of course.  Anything to get though this day in one piece.  Am I the only one who has days were I 'stick to program' one meal at a time...or weeks when it is one day at a time??

Last week I was out clothes shopping (as I want to do all the time these days as my wardrobe dwindles) and I got myself a great pair of folded up 3/4 jeans (in size 18!! - not my old 22-24) and a gorgeous blue soft knit sweater in a large (not my usual XL or XXL).  My WW leader was in there too then when I went to Coles supermarket afterward there she was again.  I tell you nothing makes you shop healthier then the prospect of your WW leader spying your trolley contents in every aisle *wink*.  She is going away on 4 weeks holiday (sadly) and I told her that I want my 15kg goal achieved either before she returns or in the first week of her being back.  She said "ok well I'll remember that and I'll check" (Paulene slaps forehead and reminds self to keep fat trap shut in future).  I know that under 100kg is impossible before my party on June 25th but I'll be damned if I'll give up my dream of 15kg down by then...no matter how long this plateau/refocus period lasts.  I've had my next charm (a turtle for slow and steady wins the race) waiting in my drawer for months now and I want it on my charm bracelet to wear on my party night.  I will accept nothing less!!  I CAN DO THIS!!!!  I can get through today...I can accept another gain tomorrow night...I can put in a great week next week...and I can do this!!

One more thing before I go.  THANK YOU!!!  That goes for all the readers, lurkers (and I know from the stats there are plenty), e-mailer's and guestbook signers!!  To the lurkers...say hello so I know you are there OK?  I am averaging up to 100 visitors a day to my site from Australia, NZ, US, UK, Canada, Brazil, Finland, South Africa, Singapore, Greece, Malaysia, Germany, Israel, France, Netherlands, India, Hong Kong, Denmark, Switzerland, Belgium, Austria and more still...HOLY COW!!!! Today I received amazing emails of support from Tracey and Penny and I gotta tell you ladies...THANK YOU!  These two, from South Africa and NZ showed me just why I need to keep doing this.  Here are women half way around the world reading my journal and telling me it's inspirational!!!??? I am constantly amazed at the demographic and locations of my readers and any time I feel like I am too slack at this to inspire anyone...someone writes to say they have joined up WW because of me and my journal...WOW!  Keep the feedback coming....for every thank you I get I owe another dozen to my readers.  I always try to answer every contact I receive so don't think it's not worth it...It's feedback like yours that get's me through another day on this long journey :)

Cheers P

Monday 23rd May 2005...

Ahh weekends!  This one wasn't my worst but neither was it my best.  Made some good choices but let the exercise slip on Saturday and Sunday...still after 11 days of it straight that wasn't so bad.

Weighed at home at 108kg this morning...still 1.4kg up from last weigh-in...Eeek!  Got straight back into exercise today with a  very brisk 1hr walk this morning...well actually it was 50min's because my walking is getting much faster now.  I did one of my two usual 30 minute route's but felt so determined to make some progress that I walked straight past home and straight into a different 30 minute circuit around my neighborhood.  yey for me :)  I will still go to the gym this afternoon too so that should make for a great exercise day today.

TOM is due any time now...think it's a smidge late so not long now.  Am hoping that will bring some relief on the scales as it usually does soon after.  May not be until after weigh-in on Wednesday though knowing my luck...hehehe

I finished my other AJ book this morning....man does that girl leave me pumped up!  I went on that walk this morning chanting to myself '104kg....104kg...104kg'.  I am determined to make it by my 30th birthday in 4-5weeks....I CAN DO IT!

I even tried something new today and made out a menu plan for the week of all three meals plus snacks.  I haven't assigned a day to each...I'll just pick from each meal list as required.  I think it will really hlep me to be able to make quick, easy, yet point friendly choices with minimum fuss or stress??  Let you know how I go :)

Cheers P

Friday, 20th May 2005...

Have I ever mentioned how much I love Fridays???  YES!!!  - everyone chorus's :)  As I do most weekends, I have dinner guests for a BBQ tea tonight,... today is my 'me' time with Caleb at daycare...I've just come back from a fabulous water aerobics session (11th day straight of exercise) and I'm feeling fine :)

I finished yesterday on 22 points so was able to save another one for the bank (4.5 all up now).  We made an impromptu decision to have some drinks with a  friend last night but I stuck to 5 vodka and diet cokes and still came in under points...Yey for me!!  In fact I found myself completely disorganised for tea again last night and had to do a last minute trip to the supermarket to get something quick and easy.  Simon wanted steak and eggs on the BBQ (no vege's or anything else...typical men)....Caleb had baked beans, chicken breast and toast fingers...so that left me to decide what I wanted just for me.  I am so pleased to say I chose a chicken stir-fry without having to worry about Simon whining about how much he dislikes stir-fires :)  It was delish too with some plum sauce and only 4 points all up!

Tonight we are having marinated BBQ rump steak and low fat snags, tossed salad, fresh baked dinner rolls, curried eggs, oven baked (fat-free) potato wedges with smoky BBQ seasoning and last but not least I am going to try a recipe for vegetable stuffed mushrooms mentioned in this weeks meeting.  Should be yummy and all good low point choices without anyone being any the wiser :)  I got some giant mushroom caps and will stuff them with corn, capsicum, shallots and carrot then top with some grated low fat cheese and grill in the oven to cook...hope they turn out alright??  Will let you know.  Last night I was even good enough to get the boys some Red Rock Deli chips yet stick to rice snacks for me...and tonight when they have more chips I have some tomato and basil pretzels for me to enjoy guilt free *Insert halo here*  hehehe

I came home from aqua totally starvin-marvin so I've just had the yummiest banana with diet Swiss vanilla yoghurt...Mmmm and only 1.5 points!  Speaking of aqua-aerobics...I wonder how much it does for me?  I have so much fun and I love the change to the normal exercise routine.  I will keep going but I don't' feel like it does a whole lot for me??  Today we did 40min's of straight cardio she said (followed by a cool down) but I didn't feel at all fatigued or out of breath.  I worked each move as hard as I could but I just don't know what benefits I'll receive.  Anyone who does aqua and has got benefits let me know how you found it because I'd love to know that it will pay off.

Leighanne sent me today...VERY appropriate for me right now...

DON'T YOU QUIT!

When you've eaten too much and you can't write it down

And you feel like the biggest failure in town

When you want to give up just because you gave in

and forgot all about being healthy and thin

So What! You went over your points a bit

It's your next move that counts...

So DON'T YOU QUIT!

It's a moment of truth, it's an attitude change

It's learning the skills to get back in your range

It's telling yourself ' You've done great up till now

you can take on this challenge and beat it some how

It's part of your journey toward reaching your goal

You're still gonna make it, just stay in control

to stumble and fall is not a disgrace

if you summon the will to get back in the race

But, often the struggler's when losing their grip

Just throw in the towel and continue to slip

and learn too late when the damage is done

that the race wasn't over...they still could have won

Lifestyle change can be awkward and slow

but facing each challenge will help you grow

success is failure turned inside out

the sliver tint in a cloud of doubt

When you're pushing to the brink, just refuse to submit

If you bite it you write it...

but

DON'T YOU QUIT !

In the words of that old Fast Forward comedy skit..."I think there's something in that for all of us!"

Have a great weekend everybody!

Cheers P

 

Thursday, 19th May 2005...

Damn, damn, damn!

Is it just me or does everyone have weeks when they are sure they will never make it through this journey??

I was so good yesterday....after my 1hr beach stroll I figured it wouldn't do for 'exercise' so after reading Katey's Journal (see links page) I took her 'Do it anyway' challenge and got up and went for a walk.  Caleb and I did a brisk 30min walk and then I felt I had truly honored my daily exercise challenge for the day :)

I have almost no food in the house and after my Dad visited late yesterday I ran out of time to shop so I knew it was to be takeaway for tea.  I dragged out my trusty 'eating out' guide and chose my usual Subway sweet onion chicken teriyaki sub...Mmmm delish!  I didn't eat after tea (not that I could of I was so full of the huge sub) and finished the day on 19.5pt's....so that's 3.5 in the bank. 

So when I stood on the scales this morning I felt sure I'd have some downward movement...Not so!!!  It said 108kg!!!!  Aaargh!!!!!!   Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But this WILL NOT beat me.  I know TOM is due any day soon so I'm telling myself that's all it is and to just keep at it.  I've been reading Jo's journal who has had similar troubles and found that a low carb diet got things moving again (In a big way when she lost over 6kg in two weeks!!)  That got me thinking that maybe the subway roll was causing some bloating etc from all that heavy bread??  Can you tell I am grasping at straws here or what!

Anyway I know the only solution is to keep at it...but I can tell you that if I do that and gain AGAIN next week there will be hell to pay!

I faced some tough challenges today too.  I went to a neighboring town to do some shopping.  Now as you all know I am a total Chinese addict and my absolute favourite Chinese shop moved from our town to this neighboring towns shopping centre (I almost cried...hehehe).  so every time I shop there I always bring home a Chinese dish...and never the regular $7 dish but the bucket sized $10 dish *blush*.  Today however I did not! 

I had decided to get a chicken kebab (and to even skip the cheese on it for the first time ever!) but after walking around the food court I had a better idea.  I went to the grocery store instead and got a WW frozen dinner and 200g of 98% fat free turkey.  I decided to eat the turkey while driving the 30min's to home and have the WW meal when I got here.  Then Simon called and asked that I bring him some Hungry Jacks...his fave take-away and one that isn't in our town.  So then I faced that challenge and walked out with NOTHING for me at all...yey me!!  Instead I nibbled on my turkey...steadfastly ignoring the hot chips Caleb was devouring in the back seat :)  I just finished my WW meal and the feeling of accomplishment was way better than any Chinese could have been. Yey me!!  You know the old saying "nothing tates as goosd as success feels'...it's right!!

I have decided this is the only way to beat this demon/plateau/whatever the hell is going on!  I've just got to stay focused...keep exercising.and resist the urge to blow-out in frustration.  Even if I do gain next week again (Gulp!)...logic tells me that sooner or later my hard work must pay off!!!! I know I an do this!!

I was up until late last night trying to finish my AJ book (about a chapter or two to go now).  I keep reading how she resisted the temptation to relapse when her progress was slow and I know that if I can do as she says and "fake it till I make it" that I can get past this blip on my radar...those numbers will go down and I will make my 15kg loss...I WILL.

On another note...I have just update my links page with all the journals that I read ... except those who asked that I keep theirs private.  So if I read your journal and I've overlooked adding it then please drop me a line and I'll have it there for you pronto.  Speaking of journals I visited everyone's yesterday and caught up on the latest but due to most of the tag-boards not working I couldn't leave messages.  But I was there so don't think I've abandoned you *wink*  And if I don't read your journal still drop me a line and I'll be sure to add it to my ever growing list of links so other's can too :)

By the way... Big Brother rocks this year!!!!!

I can do this!!!!!!!

Putting one foot in front of another for now :)

Cheers P

Wednesday, 18th May 2005...

Ok Paulene.......deep breath....refocus!

Thank you all for the mountain of emails and guestbook entries I have received in the last 24hrs!!  For Kim, Wendy, Helena, Rebecca, Leighanne, and Kate who all left guestbook entries...Gee you girls are wise and oh so kind :)  Kate helped to remind me of my goals and Helena gave me a good dose of perspective so thanks to you all!  For all those who sent emails...I will answer them as soon as I can.  I have a few though so it may take a while...be patient with me :)

Yesterday....Ugh yesterday!  I am afraid I did take out my frustration on myself.  I foolishly tried to mask my anger and disappointment with food and made many bad food choices.  Of course seeing the scales say 2kg up today (1.4kg up from yesterday's weigh-in) did nothing to help my problems.  Rational me knows this...but rational me stormed out in a huff yesterday and left irrational-emotional eater me in charge instead *wink*.

Ahh well...what's a girl to do but keep on keeping on.  Of course now I'm starting way behind the 8 ball after yesterdays blowout but live and learn.  I've got straight back into eating well and tracking today.  I am aiming to follow the same daily goals as last week....keep up my every day exercise goal and just face the music next Wednesday at the scales.

This morning Caleb and I went for an hours stroll along the beach and it was just lovely :)  I don't think it was fast enough (since he was walking and not in pram) to be of much benefit but at least it's still an active, healthy choice huh?  Will be hitting the gym again tomorrow and going back to try aqua-aerobics again on Friday morning.

Damn, damn, damn why did I sabotage myself yesterday????  Now instead of this past week's work finally showing up next week I'll probably gain again now at next weigh-in!!!!  Grrr! Must do better next time!

Am still going to my regular meeting tonight to catch the discussion and get a top-up of motivation to not let this do me in!  I will get past this!

Cheers P

Tuesday, 17th May 2005...

FUCK, SHIT, FUCK!!!!!!

Sorry for any sensitive souls out there but believe me when I say that is the censored version of what I wanted to say!

I gained 0.6kg this week!  I gained!!!!   In the words of Rove..."What the...?"

I tracked every bite of every day this last week.

I drank a minimum of 1L of water every day.

I ate at least 3 serves of low fat dairy a day.

I had no take-away food.

I ate morning and afternoon tea to keep my metabolism firing.

I finished on 166.5/161 allowed points - Ok it's 5.5 pt's over for the week but for me that's nothing.

And exercise...boy did I exercise.  I did 5hrs and 5 minutes of exercise this week. It went like this:

Tuesday - 30 min's gym

Wednesday - 30 min's gym

Thursday - 30 min's gym

Friday - 40 min's aqua-aerobics

Saturday - 70 min's lawn mowing

Sunday - 15 min's fast paced dancing

Monday - 60 min's brisk walking

Today - 30 min's gym.

Like I said....Fuck, Shit, Fuck!!!  How could all that hard work go un-rewarded??  I wasn't going to go to weigh-in today..I was going to wait until my regular meeting tomorrow night but on impulse decided to go today instead.  Who know's...maybe by tomorrow evening I would have lost??  After all I was showing a loss on Friday??  Aaargh!!!!!

I had a quick chat to my leader about it and she suggested looking at my measurements instead.  I am due for them at the end of this week at the gym so I guess that's something to look forward too - I hope!  I told her that I'd just keep plugging away at it and good things would come eventually....right??  I said that but that's not what I feel like doing I can tell you :(  I feel like drowning myself in KFC chicken and gallons of Coca-Cola.  I feel like giving up.  I feel like a total failure :(

Sadly...or perhaps lucky for me...I won't give up.  I've come too far to go back now and the more I've lost the more I want to loose.  I know I've made great changes to my eating...and DEFINATLEY my exercise habits and over time they will pay off.  My family is already healthier and this week alone I've seen Caleb try (and enjoy) two fruits that he watched me eating.  He professed not to like either apple or banana in the past but happily ate them after seeing mommy enjoying them.  That in itself is why I am doing this.  I will not have my boy suffer with obesity as I have. I will not!!

I am speeding through my 2nd AJ Rochester book (her first one.."Confessions of a reformed Dieter") and loving reading every page of her journey.  I even emailed her to say how impressed I was with all she was able to teach me in her 2nd book "The lazy girls guide to loosing weight and getting fit".  I even find myself saying to myself  during the day when I am challenged...Now what would AJ do??  hehehe

Last night while reading it I found some parts that really struck a cord with me.

On page 166 she talks about reading 'success stories' in slimming mags...as I love to do.  To paraphrase....

"Usually these articles would have me feeling incredibly inspired, but this time the three different stories I read had the women saying, ' I was so fat, I hated myself and my body'.  But as I read their vital stats my heart plummeted to somewhere around my extremely overweight ankles.  All their starting weights were between 80 and 85 kilos.  I am heavier now having lost this much weight than these women were when they started.  I feel just as fat and blobby and socially unacceptable as I did five months ago"

And this paragraph on page 169 could have been written for me...

"Now as I look forward, I feel completely deflated because even though I look at myself differently, having lost (12.5kg), I realise that most people look at me and still just see someone who is fat, and if they're anything like me, they are also thinking what I think when I look at women who are the size I used to be: poor thing, if only she knew how to take control"

I was talking to Simon about it last night and explaining that someone who has never tried to loose weight has no idea how hard and all consuming it is!  Every time I eat or drink I must be conscious to make the right choice.  Every day I must find time to exercise.  Every week I must go to weight watchers etc.  It becomes all consuming in my life and to me the changes seem monumental some days.  But other days I am wracked with self doubt as no other bastard seems to notice.  As I said to Simon (himself not included)...For working at or thinking of this 24hrs a day, 7 days a week, 24 weeks and counting...I am lucky to get one positive compliment a month..if that!  That's why this journal is so important to me.  You gals out there are constantly giving me positive reinforcement and helping to encourage me to keep going.  I know that people in the 'real' world will notice and comment more as the weight continues to drop but it's a case of a little too little too late sometimes.  By then the obvious improvements will keep me going...for now when there is little hard evidence of my success is when I needed the boosts to keep at it.  Does any of this even make sense???  Ho-hum!

So as I look to the next week I don't know what to expect?  I am due for TOM which should help bring the scales down as they should be ( and no doubt contributed to today's gain).  I am desperately wanting to get under 100kg's by my 30th birthday on June 29th but that's now 6.8kg away and only 6 weigh-ins left....Not bloody likely!!!  My runner-up goal is to at least make my 15kg lost by then??  Hopefully more achievable.  I also have an exercise goal in mind but I'm not sure if I can do it??  I'd like to say I will exercise every day until my birthday party on June 25th.  I've done 7 days straight now so imagine being able to say I'd exercised for 47 days straight!!!  Perhaps aiming too high to say every day though...I might try for 40 days exercise out of 47 days??  I could do that right??  Phht!  Probably not...but I'm going to give it a shot.  A 6 week boot camp would be worth it to enter my 30's in the 90's instead of the 100 kilos!!!

Cheers P

Sunday, 15th May 2005...

Well....the weekend is almost over and at this point I am sitting on 116.5 out of an allowed 115 points so I'd call that a successful weekend!!!  At last :)

We had a great night out on Friday...I drank only vodka and diet coke as planned then got on to the water as soon as I got home.

I did a 70min session of hard slog mowing yesterday of wet grass which took quite a bit more effort than usual...meaning great benefits for me!

Today started with our usual Sunday BBQ breaky of bacon and eggs but I got lean breakfast bacon and gave Simon back two of the rashers he had given me and just had two rashers and two eggs.  Delicious and only 5.5pt's all up after I added some BBQ sauce...Yum-mo!  I'm having a WW meal for lunch with fruit, yoghurt and a brown bread roll...then it's a roast pork for tea. 

I'll probably have my first day off exercise today after the last 5 days straight then get back into it on Monday :)

We just visited my Dad and his wife this morning after having our family photo portraits done (will post pics next month when I get them back)...and both of them commented on how much weight I had lost and how much my face had slimmed down...Yey!

I'm a happy girl...and for once looking forward to next weigh-in!

Cheers P

Friday, 13th May 2005...

'Da-na-na-na-na...Another one bites the dust!'

Yep...you guessed it...another perfect day yesterday and I'm feeling on top of the world :)

Finished the day on 23 points exactly...drank 1L of water...ate 3 serves of low fat dairy...tracked all day and did my 3rd consecutive day of a 30min gym workout.

So that brings me to today...Friday....Black Friday the 13th even.....the weekend...when my evil self-sabotaging food twin comes out to play *wink*

At this point in time I have 4.5 points already saved plus 12 bonus points to play with.  We are going out to the pub with friends tonight and you know what that means...DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!!  The food side is usually ok but I've got to watch the drinks.  I'm planning to swap my usual beer (2 points a pot) for vodka and diet coke at only 1 pt each so that should help I hope.  I also want to drink some water while I'm out so I'm not left with a killer hangover tomorrow morning and craving fatty hangover food.

Speaking of food...I wanted to mention the delish dinner I made the other night.  I am a total apricot chicken junkie and we have it at least once a week usually.  This week I tried making it with mango nectar instead of apricot nectar and it was so yummy!!!  We had it with steamed veg and rice and it was so filing and satisfying :)

I've had my usual peek at the scales this morning and almost did a little happy dance to see 105.9 kg on those scales.  105!!!  Holy crap,  I literally cannot remember when they last said that but I'm guessing 7-8 years ago at least!! Woo-Hoo!!

I also tried a first this morning.....aqua aerobics!!!  It was WICKED!!!!  I turned up alone not really knowing what to expect but I can tell you one things for sure...I'll be back!!!  It went for 40min's and boy was it hard work but SO SO much fun.  If anyone has considered it but not been game to give it a go I can tell you 100% go for it!  The class was of about 30 people and 90% of them were 60 and over I'd say.  I thought for sure I'd be one of the fattest girl's in the class but I was pleasantly surprised to find there were only a handful actually smaller than me and the rest were bigger...Phew!!  It's $9.50 a class or $55 for the month of as many as you want to attend.  I'm going to go each Friday for now (while Caleb is in daycare) and still save a few bucks but if I find I want to do more then I'll have to consider a monthly pass??

Anyhoo I have a hair colour in at the moment that is going to turn some ghastly shade if I don't go and wash it out.  I'm really looking forward to our night out tonight and hoping I can make good choices.  I DO NOT want to undo all the hard work I've done this week :) 

Have a great Friday the 13th everybody!!

Cheers P

Thursday, 12th May 2005...

Another great day under my belt!! *beams*

I finished yesterday on 22 points so was able to save another 1 point toward my weekend stash pile (4.5 so far plus 12 bonus points earnt to use if need be).

I went to the gym again yesterday for a 30min work out...I drank my 1L of water...I had my 3 serves of low fat dairy....and I tracked all day obviously...Yeah!!!

This morning my hard work has been rewarded when I peaked at the scales. I am now spot on what I was at last weigh in so every loss from now on will register a loss next week if I can stay on track over the weekend.

I REALLY want that loss!!!

Oh and I noticed my calendar thought for the day on Tuesday was "The person who can learn from a setback is always a winner"...good timing for that thought or what??

Have a great Thursday everyone!

Cheers P

Wednesday, 11th May 2005...

I am so glad I went to that meeting yesterday morning.  Instead of continuing to eat junk until the new week started Thursday morning...I'm back on track 100% and feeling great about it...at last!!

I had a fabulous day yesterday.  I finished the day on 19.5 pt's so was able to save 3.5 pt's for the weekend when I'm sure to need it.  I went to the gym and did a great 30min workout.  I drank my 1L of water.  I had not 3, but 4 serves of low fat dairy.  I tracked everything diligently and I had my 3 meals and 3 snacks!!  Like I said...a great day :)

It was just what I needed to get back on this horse and now I'm revved up and ready to make this the first truly successful week in way too many weeks.

Our playgroup met at Maze Mania 4 kids today and there was plenty of food temptation.  A mum at my table ate a mini pizza, coke and a large plate of chips yet I managed to resist everything!!  I had a diet coke and a WW breakfast bar and was more than satisfied...yey!!

After tea tonight I will have had 20.5 pt's so I'll still have 2.5 up my sleeve for an evening snack.  I did my inspiration file as planned yesterday...though it will be a work in progress.  So far I've done a photo page for 1/4 of the way to goal...reasons why I want to loose weight....what has changed since I have lost this much already...and a baby steps page to remind me which little steps will get me to the finish line (ie my everyday goals and 'rules' etc.  It turned out great and I know it will really help me on this journey. 

I'll hit the gym when hubby gets home this arvo but until then I'm off to read a mag while the boy has his nap.  Thanks again for all your support....it means so much to me!!

Cheers P

Tuesday, 10th May 2005...

Thank you to all the lovely ladies who left encouraging messages in my guestbook or sent emails of support....you are all angels!! :)

Well I just got back from my WW meeting and I am ready to start the new week.  I tried to use a no-weigh pass but my lovely leader told me just to have a 'free' week and sit down and enjoy the meeting without worrying about the scales...boy was that what I needed.  The best part was there were 2 people awarded their 15kg bookmark this week and it so inspired me to reach the short distance to my own 15kg mark.

Before my meeting I went out and did shopping to stock my cupboards with healthy fruit, yoghurt, WW meals etc so I always have low-point options to choose from.  I've had a banana on the run for breakfast this morning and now I am enjoying a double serve of diet yoghurt (only 1pt in total) for morning tea.  I can't stop thinking about the great study results about eating dairy (see entry May 5th) and how it can speed up weight loss by 70% so I am determined to get my 3 serves a day every day this week.

My complete list of goals for the week are as follows:

-TRACK, TRACK, TRACK everything, every day

-Eat 3 serves of low fat dairy everyday

-Exercise 5 days this week minimum and include trying an aqua-aerobics class for the first time

-Eat at least 3 meals and 2 snacks every day to keep my metabolism firing

-Drink at least 1L of water each day this week

I could go on forever with goals but I don't want to overwhelm myself so I'll focus on these 5 for this week then expand further next week.

The other thing I am doing today is some inspirational work.  I have this gorgeous little silver photo album that stands up on a frame.  From the front it looks like a silver plaque with a gorgeous dragonfly in the centre.  But when you lift the front plate the photo pages are beneath it.  I have got a stack of fluro paper, stickers and craft supplies and this album is going to become my inspiration file today.  I am going to devote pages to my progress pics...others to why I want to loose weight...more to the improvements I've already found from loosing 13kg etc...and others still to people and articles I find inspirational.  It will be bright and funky inside yet inconspicuous to the outside observer.  It sits on my dresser in my bedroom and I am going to move it to my bedside table and look at it every morning.  I think it will become an excellent, positive tool to use and one that can refocus my goals for me when I loose my way :)  What do you think??

My WW leader must have sensed my low mood today as she told me to not be too hard on myself...when I left she said 'see you next week' with a bit of a wink...I know what she meant.  She's seen me fall off the WW bandwagon too many times to count and she knows that coming to meetings is the key for me so I WILL be there next week!!!  I will work really hard this week to produce a loss next week and I will TRACK all week - No Matter What!!!

As Helena reminded me....my mantra is BE, DO, HAVE...be committed, do what is takes and have what I want!  I will be committed to doing what it takes this week to have what I want...another loss on those scales :)

Thank God I have this site...I'd be lost without all it's support...Thanks again!

Cheers P

Monday, 9th May 2005...

Well....dear readers....if you are looking for inspiration on these pages then it might be best if you move along today as I am feeling ZERO inspiration at  present :(

I don't know what it is but I just can't seem to pull myself back on track??  After my last entry I went and added up my points and was only a few over...then I added up Sundays and was already like 10 pt's or so over thanks to the Twix chocolate and mousse at Mother's Day lunch.  The typical self sabotage went something like this..."Oh well I've ruined today so I may as well just eat what I want for tea then wipe th slate clean and start fresh Monday".  Well I ate what I wanted to alright.  Actually tea was a healthy roast beef and vege's....it was the inhaling anything that stood still later in the evening while watching BB that really brought about my downfall.

I woke today feeling totally pissed off at myself and this was not improved by a peek on the scales!!  I stand to gain a hefty amount this week and I'm about ready to give up.  Well not really - but I feel like it.  I know if I can just get past this hump and get back on track I'll be good again (until the next time)....but how??

For one I need to remember that I have lost 13kg and if I can do that once ... I can do it again, and again until I reach goal.

I also know I MUST go to my meeting this week.  I may use a no-weigh pass but as long as I walk through those doors and stay for the meeting I know I'll feel more in control and 'back on track' after that.  In fact if I decide to use a no-weigh pass I might go tomorrow morning instead of Wednesday night so I can get on with the new week already??

My 30th birthday is the 29th of June and while I had hoped to reach 20kg by then I'll be lucky to reach 15kg the way I am going.  So that is my MINIMUM goal for my birthday...anything 15kg or over and I'll be stoked??

I'm about to settle the boy into bed then I am going to go and sit down and plan out some goals.  I'm also going to be making some signs to put up on my en-suite to remind me of my goals and the reasons for beginning this journey...and why I don't want to give up on it!!!!

I need to accept that with every journey comes some bumps in the road and that is what I need to make this one...just a detour around the bump...not a dead end!!!

Cheer-less P

Sunday, 8th May 2005...

Happy Mother's Day everyone :)

Just a quick entry for now to say that I haven't done 'too bad' this weekend.  For the first time in what feels like forever I finished Friday on points...did exercise and had no drinks. 

Saturday was not quite so good but not totally tragic either.  I've got to go add up my points after this but it went something like this....good food for all meals...rice crackers and salsa for nibblies with friends in the evening...plus 5 crown lager beers (which are 10 pt's from my bonus 12 pt's used up).  Then I made the one bad choice for the day...I said yes to waffles with ice-cream and maple syrup...Eeek!  I know it will add up bad but it was so yummy and all things considered still much better than my usual Saturday night fare.

Today being mother's day my lovely hubby and son made me BBQ bacon and eggs for breakfast in bed with flowers on the side and a nice big glass of skim milk...Mmmm.  And some gorgeous home made cards and artwork from my darling boy Caleb!

After getting showered and organised we all headed out to the cemetery to wish Nanny (my mom) a Happy Mother's Day.  Caleb was so cute and kissing his little fingertips before pressing them on the gravestone for Nanny :( 

Then on impulse I grabbed Twix chocolate at the servo while paying for my fuel after the cemetary visit and ate 2 of the 3 sticks!!!!  I guess that was emotional eating at it's best huh???

Then we met Simon's Mum and sister and brother for mother's day lunch.  It was 3 courses from limited selection but I think I did alright?  I chose mango and prawn salad for entree which was divine!!  Then I had Thai beef noodle salad for main and a little choc mousse thing for dessert....and drank only diet coke except one mouthful of my free champagne.  Not great but not too bad for Mother's day I think?

Anyway now I have to go add up yesterday and today's points and face the music...Eeek!  I still want to track regardless after all.

Very excited in this household about the new Big Brother starting this evening...Woo-Hoo!!!!!  Enjoy it all you BB fans!! :)  I kow we will be.

Cheers P

Friday, 6th May 2005...

I luurrve Friday's!!!

I hate them for signaling the beginning of the weekend and my morph into the diet-blow-out Queen *smirk*.....but I love them for signaling the start of weekend good times.  A few drinks, late nights, sleep-ins, time spent together as a family...ahh the good things in life!!

I'm heading into this weekend on a high and hoping for the best when it comes to my exercise and food choices?

Yesterday I finished well on 23.5 pt's, with 6 bonus pt's unused.  I had a choc-attack craving last night after dinner but I think I minimized most of the damage by having a cup of WW hot chocolate (0.5pt's), a WW choc-crisp bar (1.5pt's) and just one of my favourite chocolates of all time....a Lindor Lindt ball.....Mmmm!!  See I wasn't kidding when I said I was craving chocolate *wink*.  I do think however that having all that chocolate for only 3.5pt's all up, and counting them all in my sugar points tally, was a good management of the potential crisis??  It certainly kicked the craving on the head and left me feeling guilt free and satisfied...what more could a girl want?   :)

I knew I had to get back into the exercise side of things after my week off.  After all, a week without exercise for me, during the last 6 months of almost daily workouts, was ...in a word....Yuck!  It was surprisingly draining on my daily energy levels and it left me feeling guilty and more prone to eating mishaps as well.  Yesterday arvo the boys headed off to the library so I took the chance to get on the treadmill and pound it out while I had the house to myself.  I did 40 min's of good fat burning (25 minutes of walking at 5.5km/hr and 15 minutes of jogging at 7km/hr....spaced throughout the 40 minute session) and felt like I was finally 'back in the game' afterwards...weird huh? 

As you know our treadmill is a hire one and it has to go back to them in a month or so unless we buy it ourself off them for $1200!  Well today I found an almost identical one in Target, with all the same features, for only $600!!  I have rainchecked it then I'll pay it off on lay-buy.  I'm so excited to know I can keep it going now and feel fairly confident that I  will continue to use it :)  It is 100kg max though (our hire one is 120kg max) so I'll have to loose another 6kg before I collect it (must work that into my goals now I reckon?)

I added a new brag too my list too after Simon found some hip bones he hadn't felt in a while and was lovely enough to point it out to me (ever the negative self talker that I am) and tell me how proud he was of how hard I'd been working and what great results I had been getting...Thanks Babe!

Today I hit the gym this morning before I could find an excuse not to go and I'm so glad I did as it felt great!  I've had only 10pt's so far today and have a good low point tea planned.  I'm finally trying the 'diet-coke chicken' I hear so many others talk about. It's only chicken cooked in diet coke (as an official diet-coke junkie I'm intrigued) and diet tomato sauce so no points except the chicken breast.  We're having it with steamed vege's and some Continental 98% fat free Oriental flavoured rice.  Will let you know how it turns out? 

We have a few things planned this weekend that could prove challenging but I am hoping to make good choices and come out of the weekend risk period a happy girl this week.  We have a multi-cultural festival on in town at present that we'll be heading to some time this weekend.  It has foods from all cultures so I'm sure I'll find something nice AND points friendly.  We are also going out for a 3 course mother's day dinner on Sunday.  Well at least we plan to buy Simon's mum one of these but I think I'd be better off choosing one dish from the regular menu for myself rather then their set 3 courses??  However, it's Mother's Day, so I'll just see what's on offer and decide then. 

We'll be having a few drinks over the weekend but no nights at the pub so that should help keep things on track also.  The lawn's in desperate need of a mow ...if it would stop raining for a change....so I'll try to fit that in this weekend for a good 90min workout too.

Anyway....I'm off to catch up on my other journal read's while I have the house to myself.  Then I've got to hit the vacuuming and the shower before my 'baby' boy get's home from daycare....and our weekend begins! 

Have a GREAT weekend everyone.....I'll try to update again tomorrow :)

Cheers P

Thursday, 5th May 2005...

So very sorry for the delay between entries.  I kind of lost my way over the last week and my website was not the only thing to suffer.  I didn't go to my weigh-in last night either.  I don't know why??  My weight was up a little but nothing I couldn't have worked off on the day of weigh-in like I have so many other times before.  I think I just got momentarily tired of the fight??  Or maybe just tired in general.  I've had a few big weekends of late.....late night weekdays watching TV....no exercise for a week, a take-away meal here and there and I guess it all just snowballed a bit??

But I'm over it!!!  Today is the first day of the WW week and I've hit the ground running.  As of this morning the scales are up by about 1kg so thankfully I've pulled up in time :)  I (finally) want to put in place this week the things I've wanted to do for several weeks now.  Mostly snacks.  I want to try having morning and afternoon tea each day and see how that changes my hunger and level of satisfaction overall.....not to mention my weight loss.  I also read an interesting study yesterday about dairy.  Two groups were monitored on identical calorie reduction plans but one group ate 3 serves of low fat dairy a day while the other group had one serve or less of it a day.  The group who had 3 serves lost 70% more weight and burned more fat than those who consumed less dairy!  70%!!!!  That's amazing!!!!  Needless to say I have now already had my 3 serves of low fat dairy today *wink*

My day so far has been:

Breakfast: 1 toasted crumpet (1), 1 tbs syrup (1), 1 serve low fat yoghurt (0.5)

M'Tea: 1 WW apple fruit bar (1.5)

Lunch: 1 WW beef burgundy (2), 97% fat free chicken noodles (4)

          1 apple (1) and two serves of low fat yoghurt (1)

Not entirely sure what to have for dinner yet tonight but I'm thinking it will probably be BBQ, pasta and salad??

My goals this week are to plan for snacks, eat 3 serves of dairy a day and exercise at least 5 days this week - NO EXCUSES!

My wisdom tooth was removed on Tuesday which prevented exercise for a couple of days but it feels good today so I hope to hit the treadmill later this afternoon.

I'm really hungry for my 15kg lost reward now and have set this goal for June 1st at latest.  That means I must get off my butt and get it moving again!!!

I'll also be back to updating daily so please forgive my recent slackness and hold on for the 15kg Fight-Fat challenge!!!!!!

Cheers P

Monday, 2nd May 2005...

Thank god weekends only come around once a week!  I have such a hard time staying focused on the weekends.  Speaking of which the long weekend this week has totally thrown me out and it feels like Sunday today instead of Monday???

Only had a few drinks this weekend....and they were all vodka and diet coke so a much better choice than beers like previous weekends.

I made a couple of bad food choices but overall not too bad...nothing like last weekend anyway :)  The worst part is I hadn't exercised since Monday (!!!!!)...shocking I know!  On impulse Simon and I just took Caleb for a 15min bike ride but we were driven home by the promise of bad weather.  Looks like I'll have to hit the treadmill tonight if I have any chance of success this Wednesday.

Caleb starts his new daycare trial day tomorrow...Eeek!  Hope that goes well.  Of course the fact that I will be having an impacted wisdom tooth ripped out of my head at the time should help to distract my mind a little *wink*

Today has been a great day food-wise.  I had banana and a small tin of spaghetti for breakfast......WW chow mien, 97% fat free minestrone soup and a bread roll for lunch....diet yoghurt for afternoon tea...and tea is almost ready now... a roast with tonnes of vege's, 98% fat free white sauce and WW gravy, and yummy marinated lamb drumsticks....Mmmm.  After that I will be on 17pt's for the day so plenty to have a healthy snack after tea (am thinking I'll have yoghurt and apple) then save a few points at the end of the day.

Something tells me that after tomorrow nights dentist trip I won't be eating a whole lot tomorrow night :)

Hope everyone has had a lovely long weekend!!

Cheers P

Friday, 29th April 2005...

Well it's a good thing I only have to type on here because as of this morning I now have no voice!!  Some people may say that's a good thing :) *wink*

Finished yesterday on 24.5pt's so 1.5pt's over but I'll catch up on that throughout the week.  I had hoped to go to the gym this morning but I feel too crap for that so I am planning to do a brisk walk on the treadmill while Dr Phil is on today instead ... Go Dr Phil!!

Not much else to say for now.  I finally have an hour or two free computer time so I'm going to answer all my waiting emails then finally catch up on everyone's journal..at long last!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Cheers P

Thursday, 28th April 2005...

The first day of the WW week and I'm off to a great start.

The AJ book (my new bible) tells me it's very important to eat within 30min's of waking to get the metabolism fired up for the day.  Normally I'd have breakfast     1-2hrs after waking...if at all.  This morning I got up and had a WW apple bar before I got Caleb up and started my day to make sure I ate within that 30min time frame.

As per this week's focus on snacking I made sure I ate morning tea too.  We discussed pitted prunes as a snack idea in my meeting last night so I went and got a tub of them.  It's only 1pt for 5 prunes...but Ewww!  I ate one and that was more than enough for me so I followed it up with a banana instead :)

Last night, weigh-in night, is our once a week take-away night.  Simon wanted KFC so we got a family meal deal and I ate 2 pieces of chicken, a small chips, regular coleslaw and regular potato and gravy (and finished the day under points).  Even after Simon inhaled a large serve of everything last night there was still plenty taunting me from the fridge this morning.  Now generally speaking I can take or leave greasy KFC chicken but I'm a sucker for their potato and coleslaw.  I am determined to make this a great week so I came up with an alternative.  I went out and got a wholemeal bread roll and a small packet of 97% fat free shaved turkey and had these with the left over coleslaw and potato'n'gravy...Mmmmm it was delicious and only 6.5 pt's all up for lunch!  Two pieces of the chicken alone would have been 8.5 pt's so I think I made a really good substitute.  I feel like I had KFC for lunch but without the high points or the guilt :)

My foot is still really sore today so I'm going to take another day off exercise but I intend to hit the gym again tomorrow morning....though I expect I'll have to walk on the recovery stations rather than jog.

After the dentist delayed my appointment last Friday I was supposed to have an impacted wisdom tooth removed tomorrow (the one I wrote of in agony a few weeks back).  Well blow me down they rang again today and postponed it to next Tuesday now!  Is it weird that I thought what a good virtual gag that would be to put me off my food on the day before weigh-in???  hehehe *wink*

Anyway, not much more to say for today.  Hope everyone is having a great week! (Yes I still haven't been able to catch up on my other journal reads yet!...I'll be there soon I promise)

Cheers P

Wednesday, 27th April 2005...

Well....surprise!  I actually made it online tonight with weigh-in results for a change instead of waiting until tomorrow morning.  Dear hubby's gone to sleep so I thought I may as well take the opportunity while I could.

The good news is that I had another loss for the 6th consecutive week now (7wk's is my record).  I lost 0.7kg...bringing my total lost to 13.1kg!!  Wow.....as the numbers creep up I have to pinch myself to believe I'm really doing this.  As usual the silly tracker above won't calculate the figures right....but I actually have 30.1kg to loose...not 30kg.  Wow imagine only having to loose 20-something instead of 40+kg as I started with :)

My exercise tally was way down this week.  Only 1.5hrs.  I usually rack up anywhere up to 2hrs on the Tuesday and Wednesday before weigh-in but circumstances conspired against me.  And I think tonight they also punished me for it.  I was standing near the treadmill in my room and went to step up onto and then over it without realising that one foot was actually underneath the base of the machine.  When I stepped up my poor foot made a horrible crunching noise as it bent the way no foot should...and now it's swollen and very sore.  See how the treadmill punished me for not using it *wink*

I'm going to have a better go at the Wendi plan this week (see22/04 below) when I have no plans to go out drinking at the pub this weekend.  We are having friends here for drinks on Saturday night but I hope to be more in control in my own environment?  God is it just me or do I sound like a total piss-head lately???  hehehe.

I am also going to take the advice of the AJ book and tonight's WW meeting topic and plan morning and afternoon tea snacks every day this week (finger crossed).  I'm always too busy to even contemplate it but this week I will endeavor to make the time.  It sounds like my metabolism will really thank me for it?  I got some great new snack idea's from tonight's meeting (like 5 pitted prunes for 1pt or one crumpet for only 1pt)....will let you know how I find them.

By the way.....remember how I told you I sold my fat clothes on Ebay.  The last of the auctions finished today and my grand total made was $139!!  Not bad for some well worn old fat clothes huh??

Well enough for now.  Simon has been so kind as to pass his flu around and I was up and down to Caleb all last night and now I think I am coming down with it too....Joy!....so I'd best catch up on some sleep while I can.

Cheers P

Tuesday, 26th April 2005...

Well slowly but surely my computer is coming back to normal from it's re-format...it's not until you go to do something that you realise how many programs you use and still have to reload....Ugh!

Ok....how's things on the weight loss front.  Well as of this morning I am still sitting 1kg up from last weigh-in (and TOM is also here so that may be an additional factor) but I still have nearly a day and a half to get some movement happening :)  Yesterday was a good start to that end.  I finished the day on 20 pt's so was able to take another 3 off my weekend tally.  I am now sitting at 3.5pt's over (+ beers on Friday night!!).  Yesterday Simon only worked a half day on the Anzac day public holiday here, so we went for a lovely brisk 1hr walk along the Esplanade with Caleb in his pram loving every minute of it.

As I mentioned last week I put all my old outgrown fat clothes in size 20-26 (the 26 was when I was heavily pregnant) up for sale on Ebay and as of today I have already made over $120 in sales from them.  Some still have a day or two to go so the total is sure to increase yet.  Yeah!!  I love making money on Ebay and what better reward for all my hard work then to say good-bye to those old fatty clothes for ever!!!! :)  I haven't yet decided what to do with the money but it will definitely go towards some kind of reward (non-food) that's for sure.

Speaking of food I had the utmost pleasure in spending almost $500 on freezer food today for absolutely free!!!  Our freezer packed it in on the weekend so under our insurance policy we get to go out and replace all the food we lost.  I have stocked it to the brim now with low fat mince and sausages, lean cuts of steak, chicken breast fillets and WW frozen meals and much much more.  So much fun to spend other peoples money :)

Last week I finally got around to taking measurements of my neck and calf which the gym measurements do not include.  I look forward to seeing some progress in those areas soon.  I was surprised to look at a photo last night that was taken of Caleb and I last September and I think my face and neck has really slimmed down since then.  I know a few of you have asked for some updated pics and I promise to get to them soon...stay tuned for that one.

I am still loving my AJ book and this morning ordered her first one "Confessions of a reformed dieter" in at my local book store...can't wait for it to arrive as I'm almost finished her other one now ("A lazy girl's guide to loosing weight and getting fit - AJ Rochester).  I was reading in it yesterday about plateau's and it really gave me a wake up call.  I remember being stuck on a plateau (perhaps only a mental one) at 114kg and I couldn't seem to move below it.  I even made it a specific goal to get past.  I am amazed that I not only got past that,....and the similar plateau for 8 weeks at 108kg...but that I am now in the 106's!!!!  Amazing.  Now I am really starting to anticipate the 90's and know that it is not too far out of my reach right now if I knuckle down and work hard at it.  Actually on looking back at that last  paragrah I see the link!  My two biggest plateau's have been after my 5kg and 10kg losses...A-ha!!!  So I'm likely to experience the same at 15kg and can plan ahead for that lull in focus now :)

It is hard to keep up the momentum of a large, long term weight loss and it's easy to fall into the trap of regular slip-ups and make-ups as I am prone to do.  AJ's book made me realise yesterday though that while I may get away with that in these early days, I won't be able to further down the track.  I just need to stay focused, stay on track and I'll be realising my dreams sooner rather than later :)  I know I can do this and I am certainly in it for the long haul this time!!

Cheers P

Monday, 25th April 2005...

Just a very quick update today to say I am still around but hampered by some computer problems.  We had to reformat the lot over the weekend and as usual it takes ages to get everything loaded up again and working as it used to.  I've also lost all my favorites list so will be a while until I get it set up again and back to  catching up on everyone else's news....but I'll get there.

My weekend went as per usual....too many beers and overall 7.5pt's over in food but I guess it could have been much worse.  The gym is  closed today for Anzac day so I'll have to use the treadmill today to try to undo some damage.  Overall though I'm feeling ok about how it went and not too worried about Wednesday's weigh-in (although sitting 1kg up as of this morning).

Will get back for a more in-depth update when able to (tomorrow at latest when Caleb is at daycare).  Until then thanks for your patience :)

Cheers P

Friday, 22nd April 2005...

Well obviously I didn't make it back for more of an update yesterday as I had planned to.  I got an email that kind of took all the wind out of my sails and I lost the buzz I started the day with.  Apparently some sources claim that in BMI terms 30-40 is obese.  My earlier statement was based on the book by AJ Rochester which clearly states 35-45 is obese and 25-35 is overweight.  This is a well researched and reliable book and if that's what it says then that's good enough for me.  Period.  I don't give a damn if other sources say different....it's all relative anyway.  The numbers are going down and that's a thrill for me...I was really excited to drop a category....now the victory is a little hollow. :(

ANYWAY.....I'm done thinking about it and doing my head in over it....although I'm still steaming over it a little...not like you can tell though right?  hehehe *wink*

I had a great day yesterday.  As usual for a Thursday I had a day off exercise but I was back sweating it out at the gym first thing this morning.  This week I am trialling the Wendie Plan of WW points.  It just means that instead of the same points every day I use the same points over a week but make some days higher or lower than others.  Yesterday I was on 22 points (usually 23 each day) and I only used 20 so was able to save two.  Today is a high risk day for me so I am on 30 pts today....so far I've only had 10.5pts.  This Wendie plan may or may not work but as Dr Phil says "I'll love it for 15 minutes"....that is I'll go into it with an open mind and try it on for size for a week.  Will let you know how I go.

The other thing I'm trying new this week is snacking.  I usually never snack during the day then go snack crazy at night.  After reading the AJ book I understand the importance of morning and afternoon tea for regulating metabolism, satisfying hunger and for optimal fat burning throughout the day.  Let you know how that goes??

Tonight is a scary prospect.  We are going out drinking with friends.  We are having dinner at the pub then drinking for god knows how many hours.  I will make the best choice I can off the menu and try to stop the beers after 6 jugs (kidding!)  I have heaps of points up my sleeve and I'm going to try the often read (never considered doing) plan of alternating water with alcoholic drinks.  Fingers crossed. In any regard I'm really looking forward to a night out...promises to be heaps of fun.  My sister-in-law is having Caleb at he house overnight for the first time...Eeeek. She is the director of a childcare centre so I am more than confident in her skills....just not sure how Caleb will react to a new sitter situation?? 

Anyway...hope everyone else enjoys a great Friday night and if my head allows it I'll be back online tomorrow to let you know how it goes :)

Cheers P

Thursday, 21st April 2005...

I did it!  I did it!  I did it!!!  :)

I achieved three..count them 1...2....3....goals last night - Hooray!!!!

First was tracking every day this week.  Ok so I came out way over points but that doesn't matter.  I continued to track and this is the only way that I can learn over the long term.  I can see where I go wrong and learn my danger times for the future.

The second was that I finally earnt my 10% total body loss reward charm from WW!!!!  Finally :)  As you know I needed to loose 0.5kg....and I lost 0.9kg so I romped it in....yeah!  Not that I enjoyed standing up in front of everyone but I sure enjoyed earning it.  I shall post a pic of it on here later today.

The third goal that I achieved was to drop a whole BMI category from 'obese' to just 'overweight'.  I hadn't even realised I was so close to that one.  When I started this journey at a BMI of 43.2 I was almost in the 'morbidly obese' category of 45+ (although by some scales I was in this category already).  Then I dropped down to 35-40 into the 'obese' range.  Now at 34.87 I am into 'overweight' and boy that feels better than I had imagined it would :)

I blitzed the exercise again this week totaling 4hr 20min's

Thursday - none

Friday - 30 min gym

Saturday - 10 min walk

Sunday - 90 min lawn mowing

Monday - 30 min gym

Tuesday - 30 min gym + 40 min walk

Wednesday - 15min walk + 15min jog (treadmill).

Incidentally yesterdays treadmill workout was a first too.  Prior to getting the treadmill I cold not jog for a minute without near death.  Then I built it up to 3 min jogging sessions alternated with 3 min walks.  Yesterday I walked for 10min's then began jogging at 5.5km/hr and decided to see how long I could go for.  Well I made 15 minutes!!!!!  Even then I could have gone longer but Caleb was hollering for my attention instead.  15 minutes jogging....me!?  Wow :)

Anyway, speaking of Caleb, he is awake so I'd best go get my day started.  I am super motivated for the week ahead and have lots of new plans to test from the great AJ book I am reading (see previous entries for full details of book).  I'll be back at lunchtime with more details...stay tuned!

Cheers P

Wednesday, 20th April 2005...

Finished yesterday on great terms...as is usual for a Tuesday (it's a miracle what a looming weigh-in can do for one's focus huh? - hehehe)

Ended the day on 22.5pts (of allowed 23) and not only did a 40min walk but also a 30min gym workout yesterday afternoon also!

Tonight is of course weigh-in....am hopeful for a loss but not so sure it will be adequate to reach the 10%.....forever hopeful :)

I will be doing either a treadmill walk or WW DVD during Caleb's nap today and may also get back to gym again this afternoon if I feel up to it.

I am powering through my AJ Rochester book....over 1/3 through already and loving every page :)

Sorry for another brief update but not much else to say for now....shall reserve my comments for post weigh-in *wink*

Cheers P

Tuesday, 19th April 2005...

Yesterday was a good day (Finally!! ... I hear you all say)

I finished the day on points and got a good gym workout in which made me feel great :)

Today I started with a healthy breakfast of banana and yoghurt....had an apple for morning tea and am now enjoying a WW meal and brown dinner roll for lunch.  I'm planning apricot chicken breast and vege's for tea....I am a total apricot chicken junkie!!

This morning Caleb and I went for a 40min walk along the beach and I think I'm going to the gym this arvo as well so I've more than met my exercise goals for the day also.

Not much else to say for now.  After hearing everyone talk about it, I went out yesterday and bought the AJ Rochester book 'A lazy girls guide to loosing weight and getting fit' and I love it!!  I am powering through it and can't put it down.  It's great to have Australian references in a book and also a girl who knows how to write with some humor.  Highly recommended.  So I'm off to read some more now while my wee angel naps.

Weigh-in tomorrow night....still no movement on scales....Eeeek!

Cheers P

Monday, 18th April 2005...

It's official....I still suck at staying on track on weekends *wink*  Ah well ...no use crying over spilt milk or blown goals.  As my wise old desk calendar says "Failure is only a temporary change in direction to set you straight for your next success." Hmm very good :)

Now in the interests of positive thinking (a la Dr Phil) I did do some things right this weekend:

-Despite now being over points by .....gasp! - 37 points.....I did continue to track as promised which can only help to show me where I went wrong for future reference (I'm thinking 16pts spent on beer was the start of the wrong course)

-I did exercise both days and in fact have exercised 4 out of the last 5 days.  On Saturday I mowed the lawn for 90min's and every muscle ached as a result on Sunday which it hasn't done before from mowing.  Of course the wet grass and the fact I did almost half of our 1/4 acre yard forgetting to empty the catcher that was growing ever heavy (Doh!) may have been a factor in the increased workout of my muscles...hehehe

-On Sunday, Simon had a Quarter pounder meal deal from McDonald's (my old favourite Macca's meal) at almost 50g of fat (!!!) while I chose my favourite Subway at less than 12g of fat instead. Good choice!

With much fear and trepidation I stood on the scales this morning and breathed a big sigh of relief to see the numbers haven't moved from last weigh-in.  Of course on Saturday morning they were showing a good loss but if I have arrived back at Monday with at least no gain then I am happy enough to have the next 3 days to get some downward movement again.

Something exciting happened to me in the shower on Friday night....(hmm that sounds more interesting than it is...hehehe).  I was able to take off my mother's wedding ring that I have worn since her passing in 1995.  I have not been able to get this ring off since at least 1998!!!!  Of course I will continue to wear it always but it's moved to a new finger now and I'll finally be able to give it a good clean :)  Now just my own wedding and engagement ring to budge (eternity ring already comes off) and I will have no more rings permanently wedged on my fat little fingers!!!

Speaking of shrinking body parts....I had my measurements taken at the gym this morning.  Not much movement this month for some reason but still some decreases so I'm happy with that.  Totals are now:

Bust -7cm

Waist - 5cm

Abdomen -11cm

Hips - 14.5cm

Thighs -6cm

Arms -5cm

Body fat -3.1%

Total Cm's lost = 48.5cm

Eating is back on track today and I have already done a good 30min workout in the gym this morning.  I just had a yummy breakfast of small tin of WW beans and (1) egg omelette with mushrooms ....only 3 points all up and very satisfying!  I'm having beef burgundy, soup and dinner rolls for lunch and chicken stir-fry for tea.  I have planned banana and yoghurt for desert and for eating to end at 8pm.

I'll leave you with another thought from my trusty desk calendar (It's a brand called pocket positives with empowering daily thoughts)...."You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it"...and fight I shall!!!!!

Cheers P

Friday, 15th April 2005...

Well the first day of the week is done and I have nothing but good news to report :) (for a change *wink*)

Yesterday I diligently tracked EVERYTHING that passed my lips.  After tea I began to think about what I would have for dessert before 8pm arrived.  Then hubby decided to watch a scary movie I didn't want to see so I hit the computer to catch up on everyone's journals that I read.  I usually never get online at night time because I'd rather spend time with my man.  Anyway I was reading away then glanced at the clock and almost fell off my seat to see that it was 7.59pm!!!!  As you know 8pm was my cut-off so my mind quickly wondered what I could scoff down in 1 minute.  Hehehe.   Then I though....WOAH right there!!!  I don't need to eat right now...if it weren't for the time I wouldn't even consider it so....blow it...I'm not going to have anything....and I didn't!  It felt great!!!!  So that meant I ended my day on only 19pts and got 4 pts saved for the weekend :)  If it weren't for night time snacking I think I would easily finish almost every day under points and yesterday was a good example of how successful life without night munchies could be :)

My day went like this:

Breakfast: 1 banana (1pt)

1 diet banana yoghurt (2pt)

Lunch:      1 WW frozen chow mien (3.5pt)

2 wholemeal dinner rolls (2pt)

diet coke (0pt)

Snack:      1 snack pkt of vege chips (2pt)

Tea:   2 heart smart sausages (5.5pt)

  free salad (0pt)

        1/2 small tub 97% fat free coleslaw (1pt)

  1 hotdog roll (2pt)

  diet coke (0pt)

Total:19 points

The only downfall of the day was drinking no water (naughty I know).  I aim to improve on that today and am currently half way through my first 600ml bottle.

I didn't exercise yesterday either but I usually take Thursday off workouts so that's ok.

Today I was rushed getting Caleb ready for daycare so rather than miss breakfast I grabbed a banana for a quick breaky.  Then after I dropped Caleb off I hit the gym and worked super hard on all the machines and jogged hard on the recovery stations (and stayed in target heart range Kelli).

When I got home I was starving so I decided to whip up my first ever omelette....don't ask me why I've never tried to make one before?  Anyway I used 2 eggs then added chopped mushroom and tomato and it was fan-bloody-tastic!!!  Will definitely be doing those again.

I was thrilled to find a new WW frozen meal yesterday called Beef Burgundy for only 2pts!!!!!!  2pts....wowee!!!  So I'm going to have that with brown dinner rolls for lunch and I'm planning a tomato and red wine chicken casserole for tea.

I woke today feeling so chuffed about staying in control last night and really eager to blitz this weekend too.  We have cancelled our plans to go out tonight so I don't have to worry about alcohol temptations.  I WILL stick to points this weekend and keep up with my exercise too.  I'm really excited about what these new changes may bring to my weigh in next week....I can hardly wait :)

I may update again later tonight but if not I'll be back tomorrow.  Have a great weekend everyone!!

Cheers P

Thursday, 14th April 2005...

Haven't got time for full update until lunch time today but just adding a quick entry to say I lost 0.3kg last night.  Didn't make goal but have modified goals page.  Will explain in full later.  I have a **NEW PLAN** for success :)

Cheers P

Ok well I have made it back and it's time to get down to business!!

Firstly though just a quick re-hash on the week that's just finished.  As I was slack (as usual) at tracking I have no idea of points consumed.  However given how many points I had in beer alone last Friday night and the greasy hangover food the next day it was a wonder I lost anything at all this week!

No doubt the exercise saved me.  I did 3hrs all up which consisted of 3 x 30 min gym workouts and 3 x 30 min jog/walk workouts on the treadmill.  Not too bad but as this exercise occurred over 4 days it may have been more beneficial to spread it out more throughout the week??

And so I enter a new week....with the usual good intentions and secret fears of failure :(  I was just looking at my stats page and I lost 1.8kg in the last month.  I guess that's not bad as I know 0.5kg a week (or more) is recommended...but I just get so damn frustrated with all these little losses.

The funny thing is that in all my previous WW memberships I almost never exercised.  I'd just say I was looking at the food for now and would worry about exercise later.  Of course I'd go off the rails and later would never come...but still??  I always believed that if I could only get my but into regular exercise that the kilo's would melt off.  And now here I am...doing 2-4hrs of exercise a week and still I'm only loosing dribs and drabs.  I figure there can only be two explanations for this.

1) My PCOS is having a greater effect on my weight loss than I had imagined.  It is well documented that having PCOS makes you susceptible to excessive weight gain and then makes weight loss difficult to add insult to injury.  However I have never been one to use PCOS as an excuse as I know that in my case it is 99% due to my eating and exercise habits and only 1% related to PCOS.  I'm not looking for an excuse and I'll be damned if I'll concede to one!

2) My eating is letting me down.

*Ding-ding-ding*....Number 2 you are the winner!!!!!!!

I start each week with the best of intentions.  Thursday goes good....Friday day goes good....in fact every day goes good usually.  So what is the downfall??  Mostly it's Friday and Saturday night....and to a lesser degree every night after that!  My downfall goes something like this.....

Friday and Saturday night arrives.  I tend to entertain dinner guests both nights of most weekends.  I plan point friendly meals like BBQ's or low fat spaghetti bog etc.  I may or may not have alcoholic drinks (rarely if I stay home).  Sometimes a guest will bring a dessert ....tragic consequences.  Eventually though we will pull out bad munchie food or worse still both hit the fridge and cupboards the moment our guests leave.  (ok for whippet thin Simon but devastating for me!).  I then proceed to nibble, graze and sometimes gorge until I go to sleep.

Weekday nights are not much better.  We have a nutritious and filing dinner.  After the boy is tucked up in bed we veg out on our own bed watching TV.  In no time at all I'm looking for a snack.  Now granted the weekday evening snacks are usually healthy, low-point ones....or they would be if I stopped at normal serving sizes or at just one snack.  Instead of a yoghurt and fruit for eg I'll have that....then some rice crackers...then some chocolate etc until I have eaten every allowable point for the day (and more on top of that sometimes!)  Again I graze right up until it's time for me to go to sleep.

The problems with all this are too numerous to list but I think the solutions are more clear:

-I must abandon the notion that I must eat every single point available to me each   day...it's good to save!

-I must save extra points for the weekend trouble spots or compensate with lower   points on following days (a la the Wendie Plan)  Let's not forget that a few             months ago I had (albeit briefly) conquered my weekend blowouts so I know I        CAN do it again if I put my mind to it

-I must stop watching TV in the bedroom at night.  I have a perfectly good lounge    room and it's time we used it more.  This will also improve our sleep.

-Most importantly I must stop eating at 8pm at the latest each evening!!!

I watched a weight loss show on Oprah the other day and she was speaking to her trainer Bob Green.  He listed the various steps required for weight loss.  Oprah asked if he could only give one step what would the most important one be??  His answer "stop eating 2hrs before bedtime".  That's it!  It struck me then and there that this was my main downfall.  The benefits could be many.  For one it would limit the amount of extra points I consumed in evening munchies each night....it would also make for better sleep as my body would not be working to digest all the last minute food I ate...it would give me a sense of mastery over my day and reinforce the notion that I CAN AND WILL SUCCEED on this journey.

So that is my new plan for this week.  I have set a goal to track EVERY DAY this week.  I have also set my 10% loss goal for next week's weigh in.  I only need to loose another 400g to make it and I think if I can pull of these evening changes I will loose that and more!  I am going to pre-track and plan for a dessert/snack each evening with the following restrictions

-it must be eaten prior to 8pm

-it must be one, single serve treat and not a truck load of them

-it must fit into my daily points

I am really excited about what these changes may bring.  I secretly suspect it might do great things to my weigh in results :)

In any case I'm going to try it for this week and see how I go....will keep you posted.  Oh and any suggestions/feedback on all this would be greatly appreciated.

Cheers P

Wednesday, 13th April 2005...

Today's the day the chubby girls go to weigh-in! (sung to tune of teddy bear picnic)....hehehehe!

Yes well....anyhoo.....today is weigh-in.  Hoping for a little loss but fairly certain it won't come close to 0.7kg.  Having said that though any loss will make me a happy girl....it'll just mean less to loose next week to make that 10% loss.

Put in a great day yesterday.  Ate lean all day (although did go back for seconds of the most delish pea and ham soup we had for tea....Mmmm!)

I not only went to the gym for my 30min workout but when I came home I got on the treadmill for another 30min jog/walk cycle at 3 min intervals and speeds of 4km/hr walk and 6km/hr jog.  I was very tired after all that but boy did it feel great!!!!  So great in fact that I hope to do it again today ... well plan to, not hope  to :)

My darling hubby came home with the perfect anniversary gift yesterday.  As mentioned it was to be bronze or pottery for 8th year.  He somehow found a lovely card containing a bronze talisman for good luck etc.  He also had a single long stemmed rose for me too....Ahh he's a keeper!!! :)

He has missed a lot of work this week due to bad weather but today it's great that he can as he will be joining us at Caleb's playgroup for the first time.  We can't wait!

Anyway...keep your fingers crossed for me tonight and stay tuned for the outcome.

Cheers P

Tuesday, 12th April 2005...

Happy Anniversary to us!!!  Today is our 8th wedding anniversary (we have been a couple for 13yrs).  We don't have anything special planned due to lack of babysitting etc but that doesn't matter.  We have always followed the traditional gift for each anniversary and this year was a tough one.  The 8th year is bronze or pottery...neither particularly easy gifts to buy for a man.  So instead I got a lovely Blue Mountain Art card...a bronze bow to stick on the envelope and a bronze colored $5 scratch-it ticket....best I could do :)  Should be interesting to see what Simon comes home with tonight....hehehe

Yesterday turned out to be an ok food day...though I am still not tracking!!! (Naughty me I know!).  I have the best intentions to track but never quite pull if off after the weekends.  This weekend however we are not going out or drinking so I intend to track fully from Thursday morning onwards for the full week.

Yesterday my darling hubby saved me on the exercise front.  I was feeling totally unmotivated and lacking in energy after skipping the gym first thing yesterday morning.  I had intended to treadmill through Dr Phil but couldn't be bothered.  Then Simon got on and did a 30min work out and kept badgering me to do the same until I gave in and strapped on my shoes.  He encouraged me throughout the workout and offered a luxurious soak in the spa bath as a reward afterward.  Had it not been for him I would not have exercised at all yesterday...thank god for my man!!

The previous interval training I did as per the pre-programmed workout were cycles of 3 min's walking at 2km/hr then 3 min's running at 6km/hr ...for 30min's total...but it just didn't seem hard enough.  So yesterday I did 6km/hr walks and 8km/hr jogging for the 30min workout.  Boy was that hard work!!!!   I thought it just may kill me but I made it!!!  And I can tell you it felt great!!!  Not only for having done it at all but to do such an intense workout and actually finish it all....a long shot from only a few weeks ago when I didn't jog at all!!  I love that the treadmill keeps you at a steady set pace no matter how fatigued your legs get and changing pace every 3 min's keeps it manageable.

Today I am going to the gym no matter what and I may also get on the treadmill if time permits??  Eating has been good today...had a piece of toast (dry) and a small tin of WW baked beans for breakfast to start the day.  I had a couple of rice crackers for morning tea and am planning a delish smoked salmon salad for lunch.  Tea is a pea and ham soup bubbling away in my crockpot with bake at home herb and garlic bread rolls and I have fresh banana and banana flavored diet yoghurt planned for dessert.  Gotta make today a good day if I have any hope of a loss tomorrow let alone my goal loss of 0.7kg (highly unlikely to be achieved).

If I don't make goal this week then I'll just wobble on towards it next week....I will get there eventually!  I will also set a firm 7 day tracking goal next week also.  After all....if at first you don't succeed try again :)

Cheers P

Monday, 11th April 2005...

Well as you can no doubt see by the lack of updates it's been a big weekend.  We went out to a hotel with friends Friday night and didn't fall into bed until 4am Saturday morning...then it was up again with Caleb at 8am (Ugh!).  Unfortunately I drank so many beers the previous night that when I had a glass of WW cordial Saturday morning I threw it straight back up again!!  Thankfully I ate nothing while at the pub or when we got home so it was only the many many beers I had to worry about - that and the greasy chicken and chips I had to have for lunch the next day :(  Things were straight back on track again on Sunday but I fear the damage may already be done.

I know that I have sounded like a total piss-pot of late but those who know me know it has not been that way.  For the first 18months of Caleb's life we never went out at all and it's only now that he is getting older and is more comfortable staying with his granny occasionally that we have the opportunity.  Of course that is no reason to write myself off like I have been lately....what can I say - I'm a sucker for punishment.

And punished I shall be!  I'm fairly certain I will not loose my 0.7kg this week as hoped but I don't want to let that little expected failure be my undoing.  If I don't make it I know why (Hello!!!! - how many beers can one girl work off in 3 days) and I'll just keep at it until next week.  Having said that though it is still only Monday so who knows what the next 3 days may bring.

Yesterday we took Caleb to his first Circus and he loved it!!!!  I wasn't sure he'd sit through it all but his was enraptured for the whole 2.5hrs and it was so much fun.  I reluctantly had a dagwood dog while I was there for lack of better choice but was pleasantly surprised to get home and find they are only 3.5 pts!!!

I went to the gym on Thursday and was stoked to find I was the winner of the weekly member's draw.  I was able to pick anything I wanted from their merchandise so I grabbed myself a great big Curves beach bag! :)  It's awesome and you gotta love something for nothing *wink*

I was all set to go this morning but felt so shitty after dropping Caleb at daycare that I came back home again.  For some reason he has totally regressed on the daycare drop offs and now he screams and begs for me not to leave him...it's horrible and today left me in tears :(

So instead I am catching up on some long overdue computer time...then tackling a mammoth pile of washing to be put away...then while I watch Dr Phil I am going to hit the treadmill.  The weight loss program I tried last week was way to easy so today I'm going back to the interval program of 3 min's walking, 3 min's jogging etc. I might even do 2 x 30min's back to back while Dr Phil is on if I can hack it.  Will see how I go.

My bonus buddy died this week so I have to take it back on Wednesday.  I don't think I'll get another one though as I really don't get much benefit from it.  I don't eat my bonus pts generally anyway so it was probably an impulse buy I could have done without.

Anyway I have heaps of emails and guestbook entries to answer so I'd better go make a start on them all. 

Cheers P 

Thursday, 7th April 2005...

Hmmmm.

I don't really have much to say today but as I've barely written anything all week I thought I should make the effort to drop in and say hi!....Hi!! :)

I had a bad days eating yesterday.  That's the one risk of weighing in a day early some weeks....instead of thinking along the lines of "I have 8 days to do wonders this week" I end up telling myself "I have a day off before the official WW week begins so what the hey".  It wasn't a complete disaster but enough to know I don't want to add up the points for what it cost me.

Anyhoo today is the beginning of a new week and I've dusted off my tracker and got off to a good start.  Despite my best intentions for weeks now I have not tracked a full week for months at least.  I've also stopped my daily sticker rewards and all the other little mental back pats that kept me going.  Tracking is 110% necessary....I know that....but I stopped doing it??  Doh!  I think what happens is the week starts on a Thursday for me...I do that one then when I eat off track on the weekend I stop tracking and by Monday I just think ..'Oh I'll wait until weigh-in and then track next week'....Not gonna cut it Paulene!!

I am so fed up with these little mini-losses and I have no one to blame but myself!  I know that having PCOS makes it difficult for me to loose weight but I've never used that as an excuse so I'm not about to start now!  If I am honest with myself I haven't followed the program well for a few months now....exercising GREAT but eating not so good.  I exercise enough to achieve a little loss each week just to avoid the gain but at this rate I'll be on this journey well into retirement!!

In 20 weeks I've had only four losses of 1kg or more....Aaaargh!!!! I must do better!! I have 12 more weigh-ins until my 30th birthday and my goal is to be 20kg down by then.  That means I need to average 0.7-0.8kg a week in that time.  Currently I am averaging only 0.15kg a week over the last 12 weeks...hardly sufficient!!! In fact looking at the figures like that it's bloody appalling!!!  At this rate I'll be lucky to reach 15kg down by my birthday, let alone 20kg!

Wow am I so glad I looked at those figures.  That has really given me the jolt I needed.  And that's it.....I'm setting a new goal for this week...I want that 10% goal achieved next Wednesday...no more fricking around.  That will require a loss of 0.7kg....I CAN do that!!  It's not only what I need for this week but for every week after that so now that I have that concrete figure goal I know what I am aiming for. 

If I succeed in loosing 20kg by my birthday I will be 99.2kg....DOUBLE DIGITS!!  That's one hell of a birthday present for myself :)  For all you 100kg + girls out there you know what I mean.  There is a definite stigma about being over 100kg and I for one cannot wait to put it behind me..For good!!

I wasn't going to go to the gym today but this entry has changed my mind.  Simon's already home early so I'm going to head off as soon as it opens at 3.30pm.  I've also heard that I won one of the weekly or monthly prizes this week (my first.....despite loudly telling anyone who listened that it was my turn to win *wink*) so I can't wait to go and see what it is!!  The prizes range from free shirts, bags etc to one months free membership.  Personally I want a bag or drink bottle....not too fussed on the shirts??

So that is my commitment for today: Go to the gym and finish on or under points today.  If I set one commitment a day I can make it a great week one day at a time.

Stick with me...it promises to be a BIG week!!

Cheers P

Tuesday, 5th April 2005...

Just a super quick entry to say I weighed in early this week as I had nothing else on this morning so thought I may as well.  I lost another 200g which brings my total to 11.2kg lost now :)

I was so happy to not only stay over 11kg lost but to chip away another little bit off my total...no matter how small...it sure felt great!

Talk more soon

Cheers P

Monday, 4th April 2005...

Thank god the weekend is over :)  It's been a busy one for me and one that included way way too many drinkies but oh well....life is for living right?

Friday night I got most under the weather drinking crown lager's and finished the night joining Simon and our friend for some grog inspired inhalation of pizza!!  The only saving grace was that I had only had maybe 6-7 pts all day and had not had tea until the pizza arrived about 11pm so at least I didn't eat it on top of my tea or something?? 

Saturday arrived and after finishing tea I was at about 15pts at the most.  Then the drinking began again...Ugh!  I started on vodka and diet softdrink at home but after we all caught the bus to a local club I joined the boys in jugs of beer.  I was most under the weather by the time we fell into our limo at the end of the night but at least did not eat a single thing when we got home.

Sunday morning dawned oh too bright when Caleb woke up about 2hrs after I fell asleep on the lounge....Oi my aching head.  I felt so trashed yesterday that I couldn't bare to eat a single thing until I had a 1/4 chicken and chips for tea.  That was all I ate all day yesterday and after all the beers it's probably just as well!!

I cautiously stood on the scales this morning and almost did a happy dance when they read 108.7kg (considering my scales are a little heavier than WW one's I'm probably only about 300-400g up).  With almost 3 days to go until weigh-in I should be able to bring those numbers down some more.

I guess my exercise has been my saving grace this week.  I had that mega-hard gym workout on Friday.  Then on Saturday morning, feeling seedy and like death warmed up, Simon somehow convinced me we should both do a treadmill workout.  So against my better judgement I gulped down some panadol and a Berocca and pounded the mat for another 30min jog/walk cycle.  It felt great and definitely made me feel better than I had before hand.  I had a day off yesterday but today I'm planning on trying out another of the programmed workouts on the treadmill.  It has one labeled weight loss which is basically a 30min walk that builds up to prolonged jogging then slows down to a walk again at the end.  It looks good so I'll give it a bash and let you know how I go.  I may even get to the gym this afternoon also but if not than I will at least go tomorrow arvo when Simon is home from work.

I am determined not to undermine my hard work of late and I MUST remain vigilant with my eating between now and Wednesday's weigh-in....I not only want to stay above the 11kg lost mark but I'd also love to chip away a nice chunk toward my 10% goal which is only one kilo away.

I'm off now to catch up on the other journals I read.

Apparently I got a few people with my April fool's joke....Ha ha ha!!

Oh before I forget....I had some email troubles over the weekend and anyone who sent me mail may have had it returned to them.  It's all sorted now so please re-send.  Also I have set up a dedicated email address just for my website's....it's paulenesjournaljourney@dodo.com.au  I will change the email link on the home page to reflect this. Please add this to your address books and use this in all future emails to me so that I don't loose anyone's valuable mail in the junk filtering process that occurred on my prior hotmail address :)

Ok enough for now.....Have a great week everyone!

Cheers P

Friday, 1st April 2005...

I have decided to close this journal down.

I am sick of the struggle to loose weight every day and how much of my life it consumes.  I'd rather be fat!

Naaaaa!!! April Fool's!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Hehehe....did I get anyone then??  hehehe

Ok well onto the truthful part.  I love my treadmill!!!!!  Yesterday I finally got the time to try out one of the pre-programmed workout's on it.  I did a 30min interval training session which was walking at 2km/hr for 3 min's then jogging at 7km/hr for 3 min's and over and over again until the 30min's are up.  When I was getting ready to start I told Simon there was no way I'd be able to jog at 7km/hr for 3 min's straight but that I would give it a go.  Well I shit it in!!!  Ok not quite but I did the 1st 3 min's and everyone after that until the 30min's were up and it felt fan-bloody-tastic!!!  I started off holding onto the handles of the machine but realised I was using them to hold some of my weight so I let go and jogged normally while pumping my arms as well and it was awesome.  I was watching Oprah at the time so I tried to forget what I was doing and just keep going.  I could even see myself in my full length bedroom mirror and had to keep checking to see that it was really me jogging like a 'fit' person *wink*.  I actually found the walking speed too slow but it was a good chance to catch my breath before the next jogging session came round again.  After I finished I completed my Curves (gym) stretching routine to make sure I wasn't too sore today.  Surprisingly I woke up feeling just fine :).  I was certainly hot and sweaty after the treadmill but it didn't matter as I couldn't wipe the smile off my face for hours afterward :))))  It felt great to achieve something I didn't think I could and to achieve it relatively easily.  I spent the afternoon dreaming about the muscles I may have by the time I reach goal weight...ahh the power of positive thinking! hehehe

Food wise had a good day yesterday, finishing on points and using 2 sugar pts for a drink of creamy soda.  I tried one of the new WW pizza's for tea and while it was ok it was only half the size of the one I can make myself for the same number of points so I think I'll stick to my own creations in future.  I had no snacks after dinner which is a rare achievement for me too.

Yesterday was my first day using my new bonus buddy.  By the days end I still hadn't made my 10,000 steps even after the treadmill!  Yikes me wonder's what I'd have to do to make that???  The end of day totals were 7224 steps, 6.285 kilometers walked and 4 bonus pt's earnt.  Not a bad start I guess?? 

This morning I went to the gym and boy am I sore now!!  The fab Kelli was saying in her journal that it's more important to work the machines at full strength then to jog hard on the recovery stations which after all ARE meant for recovery.  I realised that I probably had let my machine intensity drop a little in my enthusiasm for jogging in between so today I gave every machine 110% and boy am I paying the price now!  I feel achey and fatigued but I bet it did wonders for me! 

I read last night in the Mar/Apr edition of WW magazine a quote that really hit home for me: "38hrs is how long your metabolism remains pumped after doing 30 minutes of break-a-sweat circuit training".  Wow!!!  Curves fits that criteria and just knowing how long the benefits of one workout will last really changed my whole perception of it.  Some days, like today, I thought about not doing it and just working out at home instead.  My curves doesn't have any showers so I can only change and have a spray on shower (ie deodorant) afterward and that limits where I will go and what I will do after a gym visit and before going home.  Today I wanted to shop for some winter clothes for Caleb and so had decided to go the treadmill instead of Curves.  But after reading that quote wild horses couldn't have dragged me away from going :)  Besides I can't get back to the gym until Monday now so I'll have the treadmill to play with all weekend.

I tallied up last month's exercises on my workout calendar this morning and was pleased with the results.  For the month of March I did 18/31 days exercise or 14hrs (!!!) and 114 bonus pt's worth....Not bad at all and all up on last month which is the main thing.  Can't wait to see what I can achieve this month now I have the treadmill!

I still marvel at how much exercise I can do when I put my mind to it.  In all my many previous WW memberships I always said "I'll focus on the food for now and worry about the exercise after I get my eating under control".  Finally it sunk in that thinking like that just wasn't going to cut it.  For one my weight loss would be slower than slow and I wouldn't have the health and cosmetic benefits that regular exercise would bring.  I was so sick of feeling bad every time I read articles saying I should do at least 3 exercise sessions a week and I should do cardio as well as regular resistance/weight training.  Having thought I would NEVER join a gym I just couldn't see myself doing that ever.  I could have done a gazillion various exercises targeting various muscle groups etc but it all just seemed too hard.  But now at Curves I get my regular resistance training, I get a total body workout in 30 min's and I get my measurements taken every month to monitor my progress (something else I am notoriously slack at doing).  I have stopped worrying about what loose skin I may have at goal weight now because I know I am doing everything I can to prevent it.  I'm loosing weight slowly and sensibly and toning up as I go along.  Also I have already noticed huge improvements in my fitness levels so imagine how much more I'll improve as this journey continues????

Ok....enough raving on about exercise....you can tell how pumped I am about it all now that I am finally doing what I should have been doing years ago!  No more excuses about lack of time or bad weather or the embarrassment of being unfit....to anyone out there complaining about their lack of progress just get out there and get into it.  You'll never be sorry you did!!!

Have a great weekend everybody :)

Cheers P